First Confrontation
By Savmut
Disclaimers: I don’t need any for
this really. These stories are based
partially on personal experiences names have been changed to protect the
guilty. Hey if you have any comments on
this shoot me a line at savmut1@attbi.com
As I come home I look
around the empty apartment. Chris is in
I seem to have been in a reflective mood the last few months. I guess it has something to do with Chris asking me about children. Seems the woman who can't have kids and said she never wanted kids wants me to have them. I smile as I remember how I found out she can't have them. She always managed to surprise me...
I had been home about 3 months from coming back from Seattle and Chris and I had settled into a routine. We emailed each other everyday in the morning, or by lunch just telling each other how our day was going. We would then call in the evening and go over the rest of our day, and talk about how we felt among other things. I learned a lot about her and she about me during those calls.
I had an awful day at work and just wanted to get home and relax. I walked into the apartment I shared with my older brother and that hope was shattered. There he was with my cousins, Chris and Mark, and about 15 of their friends. They have someone's N64 hooked up to the T.V and they were playing killer Instinct Gold. That wasn't the problem. The problem was that I couldn't make out the T.V. at all just hear it, and I couldn't see anyone's faces,just their legs from the knees down. The smell of weed was overpowering. I walked into the living room and looked around. There was about $200 worth of weed sitting on the living room table along with an 8-ball of Coke. "SHIT! Jay what the fuck?!?! You know if the cops come in here we're all going to jail. Put that stuff up."
Mark looks at me and laughed, "Hey jay, you know your sister's gotta learn to loosen up. Tar, don't worry about it. We have the door locked, the cops have to knock first and we can clean up."
"Ty," Ty looked up from the game. He was the "official" drug dealer of the group. "Can you at least take the 8-ball off the table. The weed won't get anyone in that much trouble but the crack will."
"Oh sure Tarra. Sorry do you want us to stop smoking?" Ty and my brother were the only two in the entire group that ever wondered about weather I liked them smoking in the house with me or not.
"Well duh. Of course I would like you to stop, preferably forever, but it's not gonna happen so just be a bit careful alright. I have to live here too, and if the company decides to drug test me I will be sorely busted okay. The phrase up shit creek, comes to mind." I smiled at them and walked into my room. I was just about to close the door and my brother pushed in.
"What the fuck is going on Tarra?"
"Huh, what'd'ya mean?"
"What? I got another call for you today. It was that Chris chick again. I asked her who she was and she said your girlfriend. What's this shit? We never hear you with any boy and now this dyke shit shows up. What's going on?" He was beyond angry. I don't think I had ever seen him so angry before and he honestly looked like he was gonna hit me.
"Well if I've never been into guys I think it would be normal. I figure I should do one normal thing in my life. I just...listen Chris and I connect okay. Yeah I like girls get over it okay. You like 'em too." I walked to the other side of the room and sat down on my bed.
Jay just looked at me for a long time and then said that it was a good thing dad died. He'd die of shame to find out I was a freak. I launched myself on the bed and at him. I started punching and kicking him, as I did I yelled at him that dad knew and if he ever said something like that about dad again I'd kill him. When I saw him bleed I stopped. I had gone too far, and I knew it. I stood back and waited for him to get up and beat me to death. Instead he got up and just looked at me.
"Sometimes you scare me Tarra I see you look at me and your eyes are so empty. I told mom that I always think you're gonna kill me when you look like that, but I was wrong. You don't need to shut down to kill me. You really scare me now, you know." he turned around and walked out my room.
I slid to the floor and just shook for a while. I crawled over to the phone. I picked it up, but I couldn't call Chris after that. I went to bed that night and felt like my world was falling apart. The next morning I did get online and tell Chris what happened she was furious and I promised to call her that night to talk with her.
I made it through the day
at work, by sheer willpower. I just wanted to call Chris and talk it over
with her, but I had to do my job. I spent all day being the good
technician and letting the customer rag on me without complaint. As soon
as
Jay is a player. He has easily 20 different women he spends time with, and I just collectively call them his harem. It's easier than trying to remember all the names. Knowing he wouldn't be home I grabbed the phone and called Chris. She was at her house this week not and Cathy's so I could call her. Usually she called me from a pay phone and we talked because we didn't want to cause Cathy any more pain than had already been inflicted.
I dialed her number and Karen picked up the phone. "Hey Karen; is Chris there?"
"Hold on Tarra," about 20 seconds later she came back to the phone. "Chris is doing something right now she said she'll be done in about 2 minutes, do ya wanna hold on?"
"Yeah sure. That's not a problem. So how have you been? How's the farm?"
"Oh I'm okay. As
for the farm, we're under so much water right now I'm thinking of taking up
growing rice!" She laughed as she told me this. I couldn't
help but join in on the laughter. When I was in
"I can imagine. Well if there's a market for it go ahead and plant your rice, plant Karen. You could be very successful."
"Hey it was fun talking to you, but here's your girl." She handed the phone to Chris and the next thing I heard through the line was the sweetest voice I ever heard saying, "Hi babe."
"Hi." I could feel myself smiling just at the sound of her voice. "How are you doing?"
"Shouldn't I be asking you that? I'm doing okay. How are you? From your email this morning it sounds like your brother didn't react well. Hell Tarra you said that you did hide so I figured your family knew. I didn't know you weren't out to them."
"Ahh don't worry about it. I mean he had to find out sooner or later. Last night was as good a time as any. As for how I am. I still feel a bit shocked that I hit him like that, but then again, he knew I had a temper especially concerning dad. He played his hand and lost. Right??"
"Don't beat yourself up over it. I don't think you did anything wrong. He hurt you and you struck out to hurt him back. It may not have been the best solution, but you reacted. It's okay."
I laughed self-depreciatingly, "yeah thanks. Guess when you came out to your folks they had as bad a reaction, or were they better?" Chris didn't say anything on the line for a long time. I started to get worried. "Hun, come on I never meant to upset you., what's wrong."
She heaved a big sigh, before saying anything. "Ahh, I never had to tell my parents I was a lesbian. I had to tell them I was a girl."
"huh? Of course you're a girl. What do you mean you had to tell them that?"
"Tarra I really think it would be better if we discussed this when we're together."
Now she was really starting to bother me. What could be so bad? "Chris, if you can't tell me over the phone there's no way in hell you'll get it out in person. What's going on?"
"Do you know what a transsexual is?"
"huh? You mean guys who get off dressed in women's clothes? What's that got to do with anything?"
"That's transvestite. A transexual is someone who was born a male or female, and are really the opposite gender."
I got really quite on the phone trying to figure that out. When I thought I had it I answered. "Okay so what does that have to do with anything?"
She repeated again, "I had to tell my parents I'm a girl."
"Okay so you told them that but wh...OH! You were born a guy? Is that what you mean?"
"Yes. Listen a lot of lesbians seem to think that means I'm just a guy and don't wanna have anything to do with me." There was a long pause then she continued in a rush. "I'd understand if you don't wanna see me."
"what huh? Okay Chris first of off, does this change who you are? Does it change that we've spent the last three months talking every night and I've been falling more in love with you every night? Does it change you and I just clicking and making sense to one another? Does this change anything that matters? Cause I don't think it does. I don't care what parts you have, had, or will have. I care about you. I care about the person I talk to every night. You could be a guy for all I really care about the parts, and if other lesbians thinks that because of the man you were means I can't love the woman you are, they can bite me!"
Chris was really quite on the phone. After 2 minutes I tried again, "Chris come on baby please talk to me." I heard her sniffling on the other end Oh god I made her cry. "baby I'm sorry...I...Whatever I did to make you cry I'm sorry."
"You...you really don't care?" She asked me, I could hear the tears in her voice.
"No should I? I mean what is really different about you and any other girl out there, other than the genetic?"
"I can't have kids," she whispered. "That's okay though, if this thing is genetic I would never want to give it to a child. It's hell."
"Well I can have the kids, and you have a lot more genetics that I think a kid would definitely benefit from, rather than do harm."