Chapter 5
The handsome young couple exited the mess hall;
“Mmm, me too,” agreed
Jillian, “What do you say we enjoy this beautiful night a bit longer, and take
a walk down by the lake?”
“A moonlit walk by the lake, if I didn’t know any
better I would think you were trying to seduce me,” Devon playfully leaned her
shoulder into Jillian.
Looking at her hopelessly attractive lover, Jillian
grinned and replied seductively, “Always.”
The two women walked quietly together for a
time, close enough that the fabric of their jackets touched, but their hands
remained in their pockets as they crossed the base. Along the way, they passed other couples,
male/female, and almost always they held hands or had their arms around each
other as they walked. Devon’s awareness
had been heightened since she and Jillian had become involved, and it irritated
her that she could not hold her lover’s hand in public without fear of
retribution.
“What’s wrong, love?” the soft melodic sound of
Jillian’s voice pulled her from the disturbing thoughts. Immediately, looking into the big brown eyes
made her heart flutter and she couldn’t stop herself from smiling if she tried.
“Nothing,” she leaned against the taller frame
slightly, “I was just thinking about us, that’s all.”
“What about us? You’re not changing your mind on
me, are you?” Jillian felt her stomach churn at the thought.
“No, ma’am, not a chance,” the dazzling smile
and certain tone soothed Jillian’s soul.
“So, what’s going on in that pretty head?”
They stopped walking and faced each other on the
sidewalk. Instinctively, Devon stepped
closer and reached out to touch Jillian’s cheek. Jillian immediately stepped back. “What are you doing?” She hissed.
Devon shrugged. I just got the urge to kiss you… Footsteps on the sidewalk made
Devon glance over her shoulder and both women backed apart. The two soldiers approaching walked between
the women, their eyes roaming arrogantly as they passed. Male
privilege, Devon thought derisively.
Again, she started to close the distance between them until Jillian put
a hand on her chest to stop her advance.
Pain flashed in Devon’s eyes at Jillian’s rebuke. Jillian dropped her eyes from the wounded
look.
Devon grasped the edge of Jillian’s sleeve,
tugging lightly until Jillian met her eyes again. “It’s just that…” she stopped as another
couple walked past them arm in arm, “…I think it’s totally bullshit that we
have to keep our hands off just because other people may be uncomfortable. Why is showing our love wrong?” Shaking her
blonde head furiously, she pushed her fists deep into her jacket pockets in
frustration.
“Ya know, Dev,” Jillian said quietly, “It would
be really great if everyone in the world was as idealistic as you, but that’s
not exactly reality. You do know that,
right?”
“I’m not trying to be some super hero or
anything; I just think that if two people love each other, then that can’t be
bad.” Devon sincerely believed what she was saying.
“Listen to me,” Jillian implored, “That’s just
not possible for us. You can’t go around
showing public displays of affection.
And your reckless tendency toward defiance isn’t going to help either
one of us.”
The reprimand stung and Devon clenched her
jaw. “Yeah, I know their rules. You act like you believe them. We’re not doing anything wrong.”
“Well, those are dangerous thoughts you’re
thinking,” Jillian said somewhat sadly.
Jillian looked at the ground as they walked,
thinking about what Devon said. She knew
that Devon was right in principle but it was just a fact of life of being a
lesbian, particularly in the military.
It was a matter of being a realist, that’s just the way it is. No need stewing over something you can’t
change. She knew all too well the high
price to be paid for that kind of honesty.
Her thoughts drifted to her family in Kentucky and the agony she felt
when they had told her to leave, realizing that even still she wanted someday
to be able to go back. Someday. Maybe they’ll love me again.
They had reached the lake and were alone among
the pine trees about twenty feet from the shoreline. Devon stepped close to Jillian, placing her
hands gently on her waist. She felt
trembling beneath her fingers and realized that Jillian was crying. Devon’s stomach lurched at the sight of her
normally confident dashing lover suddenly looking crushed and lost. Her own
heart felt like it was breaking. Her
eyes darted over every inch of her face, she implored, “Honey, tell me, what is
it?”
They sat at the edge of the tree line side by
side, Jillian’s auburn head leaning on Devon’s shoulder. Jillian couldn’t remember the last time she
cried, much less let herself be comforted by anyone. But, here with this
special woman, she felt sheltered and safe.
The defensive wall she built from the rest of the world crumbled in the
presence of the trust that had grown between them. Devon sat quietly holding her, stroking her
hair, knowing that she would talk when she was ready.
After a long while, Jillian sat upright,
squaring her shoulders. Devon moved so
that she was facing Jillian, reaching up softly to brush tears from her cheeks.
They held each other’s hands in their laps in front of them as she slowly began
to speak.
“When I was 16 or 17 years old,” she began
quietly, “I realized that I was different from other kids, but I really didn’t
know why. I was a tomboy…guess you’d say
my whole life. Being a lesbian never
occurred to me, ‘cause we didn’t know any gay people, at least not that I
knew.”
Devon’s face held the hint of a rueful smile.
Remembering how she couldn’t understand why her mother always seemed so angry
with her. She nodded in
understanding. It wasn’t until she saw
her first B rated lesbian flick that she even recognized that was what she was
feeling.
“Anyway,” Jillian continued, “When I went to
college, you know, in the big city of Lexington and all, I…broadened my
horizons…and had my first sexual experiences.
So, throughout college, I brought friends…women…home sometimes—but we
were never disrespectful or anything—and I guess I thought that everybody must
know, because nobody said anything to me. By the time I graduated, I fooled
myself into believing that my folks knew I was gay but just tried to ignore it,
kind of like just don’t talk about it, ya know?” her brown eyes bled with pain.
She searched Devon’s face, desperate for understanding.
Jillian looked away to the water and drew a
ragged breath before continuing. “I came home from college and one day my
brother asked me if I was gay. I didn’t
lie because I had always been taught not to, and I thought my brother would be
okay with it.” Fresh tears filled her brown eyes, blurring her vision.
“That night, my parents came to my room and
confronted me.” She shook her head, smiling regretfully through the tears. “I thought it would be disrespectful to lie
to them so I told the truth…and…” her voice was a jagged whisper, “They told me
to get out of their house. My father said he would rather I had told him I was
a hooker.” A choked sob escaped her
throat as she stared at their hands.
Devon felt Jillian’s pain acutely because she
knew exactly how it felt to have your parent look you in the eye and reject
you. Anger raged through her at the
thought of anyone hurting Jillian, especially the very people who were supposed
to love unconditionally. She felt the
urge to pound something. Hard. Instead she corralled her rampant thoughts to
focus entirely on comforting Jillian.
Devon would give anything to shield Jillian from pain.
She held on tightly while Jillian’s body shook
as the sobs ripped from her throat.
Eventually, Jillian’s breathing calmed and the tremors in her body
subsided. She drew a deep breath and
leaned back to look at Devon, “Sorry. I didn’t mean to do that.”
When Jillian looked into her eyes, the raw suffering
mixed with an innocent plea for help captured Devon’s heart. Gently, she cupped Jillian’s face between her
hands. She brushed a soft kiss on the
lips before her and looked into the dark eyes.
“I’m falling in love with you Jillian Gray.” She
said with quiet certainty.
Jillian inwardly flinched at Devon’s terrifying
pronouncement. Love? Her mind froze on the word. Love was just a ticket
to heartache. She reminded herself how
love made you open yourself up to all kinds of pain. It made you careless, and no way could either
one of them afford carelessness in their professions now. CID was all over the base, hunting those
foolish enough to believe that love could survive the relentless scrutiny.
Still, those lovely blue eyes made her want to believe
in any possibility, and Jillian responded physically to the closeness of her
body, very aware of the desire between them.
Devon kissed her more urgently, erasing Jillian’s fear with strong arms
holding her in a protective embrace.
Jillian surrendered to their passion, swept away on the tide of this
beautiful woman’s love.
Chapter 6
Devon was lying on the
bed with a shadowy female figure leaning over her naked form. Hands were stroking every inch of her body,
sending pulsating rhythms straight to her clitoris. As the woman moved lower, a shaft of light
illuminated her face for a split second. Devon recognized the stunning beauty
was Jillian, and she moaned, raising her hips in anticipation of her caress.
Jillian smiled up at
her, opening her mouth to speak, BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP, “Wha—the?”
The incessant beeping of
the alarm clock yanked Devon awake from her delicious dream. Blinking hard to clear her vision, she gently
rolled away from Jillian to silence the din, frowning at the red numbers
glaring 0600. Rolling back, she curled
her arm around the sleeping woman, stroking her breast absently, and
thinking. I can’t believe the weekend
went by so fast. Leigh and the kids really took to you, sweetheart. Could my
life get any better? Smiling to
herself she wrapped both arms tightly around Jillian.
“Mmm,
good morning,” Jillian mumbled, pulling the green army issue blanket up over
her shoulder.
Kissing her temple,
Devon replied, “Morning, hon.”
“Guess its back to the grind, today, huh?” Jillian said through a
pout.
“Guess so.”
“I think I’m going to be
late getting out tonight. The Captain said he wanted to see me.”
“Everything okay?” Devon
felt an odd sensation creep up her spine.
“Sure, I guess.” Gillian
shrugged and smiled, “you worry too much, it’s probably just to let me know
where my next duty station will be, remember I graduate in two weeks.”
“You’re probably right.”
Devon had tried hard not to think about Gillian finishing school so soon, and
she just hoped that her permanent assignment wasn’t on the other side of the
world from the one she would draw in a few months. Still, the uneasiness remained with Devon all
day.
Weaving her way through
the cafeteria line just past twelve, Devon searched for a table with an empty
seat. A familiar brunette waved from
across the room, seated at a small two top by the window. “Hey, Jules,” she said as she took the open
seat, “Haven’t seen you for a while, how are ya?”
“Good.” Julie smiled,
but her eyes were serious as she looked across the table at the younger blonde
lieutenant. “I hear you went home for
Thanksgiving.”
“Yeah, we had a great
time,” Devon grinned at the thought of their wonderful weekend.
Julie exhaled loudly,
shaking her head, “So it’s true.”
“What?”
“That the two of you
went away together.” Her tone was clipped, and her eyes became guarded.
Devon regarded the other
woman with surprise, her response was slowly methodical. “Yes, Julie. Jillian and I went together, is that so
surprising?” Devon had no idea where this conversation was heading, but she had
a gut feeling that she wasn’t going to like it much. Julie’s green eyes were cold as she met
Devon’s stare.
“Do you have a problem
with me asking Jill home with me? ‘Cause if you do, you’re gonna have to just
get over it, Jules. Christ, how long has
it been? Just let it go.”
“Oh, yeah, you would
love it to be that. Sorry to disappoint,
but I’m not jealous.”
“Okay, good, then what?”
“You really don’t know,
do you?” Anger was simmering in the green stare now, and Devon felt her
defenses automatically engaging, but for what?
“You really think that
the two of you can play house every day in the middle of a military base, take
trips together, and…who knows what else, and nobody will notice?” Julie’s voice
was quiet, but her tone was cold.
“I really don’t know—”
“Oh, cut the shit,
Devon!” Julie snapped, “You know the stakes around here, but you seem to be
forgetting, it’s not just about you, it’s about all of us.” She waved her hand
dismissively in the air, “As if you care.”
“Jules, I don’t know why
you are so angry. Jill and I are very
careful.” She met Julie’s stare,
searching for some explanation for this sudden anger from her friend. Finally, the angry emerald glare softened a
bit. Drawing a deep breath, Julie looked
at the table then back to Devon’s eyes.
“You are so infuriatingly
naïve,” she shook her head, “They don’t need to actually see anything. Just the
amount of time you two spend together is enough.” Her eyes bored into Devon’s. “Jillian knows
better than to be so careless. She and I are already on their radar.”
Frustrated, Devon shook
her head, “What are you talking about, Jules?” Impatience and fear combined in
her tone.
“CID. They pulled a few
of the girls in the last couple of days, asking lots of questions, intimidating
the hell out of people. It’s working,
too. People are already paranoid. I said that I would talk to you because of my
relationship with Jill.” She hesitated a beat, fixing Devon with a hard stare, “Some
of the others didn’t even want to be seen with you.”
Devon’s head was
pounding and her stomach soured. “So what exactly are you saying, Julie?”
Julie stared directly at
Devon, a serious, slightly dangerous expression on her face. Her jaw clenched and Devon could see the knot
in the corner working as she contemplated her response.
“It’s a witch hunt. They
are looking to root out gays and lesbians, and they don’t care how they get
their information. Like I said, people
have already been questioned,” She now regarded Devon sadly, “I heard Jillian’s
name came up, and since the two of you are together…”
Devon stared wide eyed
at the brunette as the words hit her like a blow to the stomach. Her mind raced
trying to understand what this all meant.
Then she remembered what Jillian said that morning. I’ll be late. The
captain wants to see me.
Julie stood to leave,
remaining serious, “Let me give you some advice. Put some distance between the
two of you. Everybody is at risk and
everybody has to look out for themselves right now. People are going to be doing anything they
can to save their own asses, even if it means sacrificing someone else.”
She stopped, considering
her words, “You think you know her, but you don’t. Not like I do. Gray’s a survivor, she takes care of herself. Always has, always will. You need to look out for yourself,
James. Nobody else is going to.” With that, she walked away, leaving Devon feeling
confused and frightened by the gravity of Julie’s message.