The following story is an original work. It’s a story of awakening, young love and the power of the human spirit. The story unapologetically contains erotic lesbian sex, so if that bothers you, then don’t read it.

The characters are fictional and any similarity to individuals living or dead is purely coincidental. All military operations and missions portrayed are fictional and the subjects previously declassified. As to my personal interpretation of events? I’ll let you decide what’s real and what is pure imagination.

In all seriousness, this story is dedicated to all the brave lesbian and gay members of the U.S. military who sadly, must still serve silently. Enjoy and please send your thoughts to lkb533@verizon.net.

Faithful Service/Silent Hearts

By Lynette Mae

Chapter One

March 1982

A dismally cold drizzle fell steadily, beating an erratic rhythm on the canvass portable awning above their heads. The taller woman dressed in an immaculately pressed military uniform reached out to grasp her sister’s hand, her eyes falling briefly to the swell of her sister’s abdomen telegraphing the life growing within. A life for a life. As if hearing her thoughts her sister placed her right hand on her very large stomach.

“…evidence of a life well lived that will be rewarded in heaven…” the priest was speaking.

Evidence? Not usually. Devon was only five, her sister seven and her brother two, when dear old dad walked out the door and never returned, leaving his former high school sweetheart with nothing except three kids, overdue bills and no money. After that, her mom started drinking, smoking, yelling and hitting. Her sister took on the role of protector, doing her best to keep her younger siblings out of the line of fire when mom’s wrath escalated into physical assault. Mostly though, the damage inflicted was invisible as the venomous words sliced into their psyches, eating at their confidence from the inside like acid. Even now, words like ‘idiot’ and ‘stupid’ stung the ever-raw wounds on her heart like a pound of salt poured on a fresh six inch gash.

“…the blessings of children are our hope for the future…”

Blessings? Devon stared at the grey sky, her thoughts drifting. She doubted that her mother ever thought of her as a blessing. Thunder clapped in the distance reminding Devon of the sharp snap of the leather belt just before punishment was exacted for any number of offenses. Climbing trees and tearing her dress again. Whack. Playing baseball with the boys and skinning her knee when she knew she was supposed to be playing Barbies inside with the girls. Whack, whack. Writing Devon + Jean on her notebook outlined with a heart. Bam! That one earned her a split lip and an order to leave as soon as she turned eighteen.

“…We commend our sister’s soul. Lord, bless these children for the loss of their mother and comfort them in their sorrow. In the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, Amen.” The priest concluded, making the sign of the cross over the mahogany casket. Devon and her sister stepped forward to place single red roses in the center of the highly polished wood.

Her sister wiped away tears that streamed down her cheeks and Devon was surprised to feel stinging in her own eyes. What was that about? The reverend approached with a sympathetic expression on his face. “I’m very sorry for your loss, God bless.” He said taking each woman’s hand in turn. “If there’s anything the church or I can do…” He forced a thin smile.

“Thank you, father,” Her sister answered. Devon said nothing. What could she talk to him about?

“I’ll wait for you at the car,” she said almost to herself. She snugged her hat onto her head as she stepped from under the canopy. The rain had finally stopped, the sun intermittently burning through in flashes of light, quickly doused by the fast moving clouds before peaking out again. Devon made her way through the rows of headstones to the waiting limousine, having no inclination to endure the disingenuous words of comfort from the remaining mourners.

She held the rear door of the huge black car open for her sister and brother in law to enter ahead of her before climbing in and closing the door behind them. Devon stared out the window as they drove in silence. When they pulled up in front of the house, she recalled the last time she had ever tried to talk to her mother about anything that mattered to her. It was the last day of her Christmas break in her senior year in college. Devon was excited about graduating in the spring and had started thinking about the military as a career option. Maybe it was the prospect of having a steady income with the opportunity to travel and see things that she never thought possible growing up on the poor south side of Pittsburgh that attracted her to the idea.

“The Army? You?” Came the acrid response, “This may be your stupidest goddamned idea yet. You won’t last a week and then what? What kind of job is a History degree gonna get you anyway?” Devon felt herself shrinking under the contemptuous stare, feeling like the small helpless child she once was. “You’ll never amount to anything. Just don’t think you can come back here when they throw your ass out.” With that, her mother got up and walked to the liquor cabinet to get the bottle of Seagram’s 7.

That response had struck Devon like a slap in the face. It stung in her heart, but she realized now that it also fueled a new certainty inside of her. She remembered looking steadily back into her mother’s face and seeing no encouragement whatsoever. She opened her mouth to retort that she had gotten her degree; the last semester was a formality because she already finished all the requirements, but knowing that her mom thought that history was a useless major, she clamped her jaw shut.

At that moment, she told herself that she would go, and she would stick it out, no matter what. The calmness of that decision was soothing to her soul. Many days she wondered if she had made a mistake, but now, she felt only the certainty that she had done exactly the right thing for her life. She wouldn’t change a thing. Now she felt a sense of purpose as though she was beginning to find her place in the world. The Army had given her confidence. Confidence! Imagine that. It was a new and exhilarating feeling to Devon. Completing Officer Candidate School was a huge accomplishment and the upcoming intelligence school was only offered to the top percentile of each class. The life she dreamed of was within her reach.

They walked inside the house that they had spent nearly their entire lives in. Devon thought she should feel some pangs of emotion, maybe the urge to find just the right memento to remind her of her childhood. Strangely, she felt nothing but a desire to run back to the new life she was building. Her life.

“You can go through the house and pick out anything you want, Dev.” Her sister was saying.

“No. You can have everything. Keep it. Sell it. Whatever, Leigh.” Devon said without emotion. She would stay long enough to help her sister pack up the house and not a day longer. She loved her sister more than anyone in the world, but something was missing inside Devon and she knew without a doubt whatever it was she wasn’t going to find it here.

Her company commander had told her to take her time returning, she could take the next airborne school if she didn’t make it back in time. Devon didn’t want to wait. She didn’t exactly know what it was she was looking for, but she sensed a change coming just around the next corner and she wasn’t going to miss it. Three days later she boarded the military transport plane bound for Airborne school at Ft. Benning, Georgia, eager to put the past behind her and embrace her wide open future.

Chapter 2

September, near Boston, MA

The lieutenant stepped through the double doors into the officer’s barracks. Removing her beret as she entered, she stuffed it into the side pocket of the left leg of her camouflage pants. She balanced her loaded duffle bag on her right shoulder and her orders tucked under her arm.

“Excuse me,” she addressed the young private seated at the desk, who had been staring at a TV screen.

As he looked up he recognized the lieutenant’s bars and bolted from his chair, immediately snapping to attention, “Yes ma’am!” it came out as a sharp cry.

“Relax soldier,” she said easily, dropping her bag on the floor in front of her. Devon was still unaccustomed to the rank structure that required enlisted personnel to jump into a rigid pose and salute. In her mind she was still just like them. He saw the kindness in her eyes and forced himself to stand easy.

Devon slid a copy of her orders across the desk to him, “Can that log tell you where I’ll be bunking?”

“Yes, ma’am, I’ll get that for you.”

The lieutenant looked around at her new surroundings; typical military standard drab décor. She sighed as she leaned forward on the counter, running a hand through her hair, realizing for the first time just how tired she was. Checking her watch, she saw in was 2015 hours. Her marathon day had begun at 0430 with a ride to the airport on a cramped shuttle, followed by several flight delays and transferring planes in D.C. Consequently, she arrived in Boston four hours late. She closed her eyes and rubbed them with her thumb and forefinger wishing this kid would hurry up so that she could finally get some rest.

The helpful young man turned back to the lieutenant and seeing that her eyes were closed as she rubbed her forehead, he allowed himself an appreciative gaze at her. The gold lieutenant’s bars were subdued and stitched into her collar, usually indicating some kind of tactical training. The butter bar lieutenants right out of OCS always wore the flashy pin on rank insignias. His eyes flipped to her right chest and shoulder area and sure enough found the airborne wings and ranger sleeve patch.

He noted her tan muscular forearms that extended beyond the rolled up uniform sleeves and she had a simple beauty to her face. Her hair, although somewhat disheveled from her hands raking through it, still maintained a professional appearance. When she looked up at him with her piercing light blue eyes, he blushed and looked away.

Not noticing the man’s reaction, Devon asked, “Did you find it, private?”

“Yes, ma’am,” he stammered, “you will be in room 214, with Lieutenant. Gray.” He moved around to the front of the counter to grab her bag.

“I’ve got it,” she placed a hand on his arm to stop his advance.

“If you’re sure, ma’am,” he looked uncertain.

“I am. Thank you.” With that, she slung the duffle bag back onto her shoulder and headed for the stairs.

Once on the second floor, Devon found her assigned room was at the center of the hall, and unlike the other rooms, the doorways to it and the next room faced inward, toward each other. She stopped momentarily at the closed door, aware that the room may be occupied. The white card to the right of the door read, ‘1LT J. Gray’, below that was a blank line, where she presumed her name would now be added.

To be polite, she knocked softly and paused. Hearing nothing, she leaned forward to put the key in the lock. The door suddenly swung open, nearly causing Devon to lose her balance and fall into the room. A strong hand grabbed her firmly by the arm preventing the inevitable embarrassment that would have ensued. That was a graceful entrance, knucklehead.

“Whoa, you okay, there?” the voice was a buttery smooth southern drawl. Devon looked up at her new roommate, somewhat flustered, she pulled her arm away quickly, probably too quickly. It was more of a jerk that Devon instantly thought must have seemed rude.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” she said, unable to hide the irritation evident in her voice.

“Okay,” the other woman dragged out the word, backing up a couple of steps and raising her hands in the air, “Sorry.”

Devon forced a smile to hide her embarrassment. “No, ma’am, I’m sorry,” She knew she had made a tactical error in her curt response; after all, this woman did outrank her. Her eyes unconsciously moved to the silver bars on the other woman’s collar that trumped the gold ones on her own.

“Ma’am?” the accent drew the word out making it seem much longer than one syllable painted with sarcasm. “How ‘bout you grab your bag and come back in and we’ll start this all over again?”

Devon nodded, still feeling off balance, but relieved that the LT didn’t seem to take offense to her brusque behavior. She retrieved her bag from the hall and dropped it beside the empty bottom bunk, while her roommate closed the door. Upon turning around, Devon was pleased to see a warm smile and outstretched hand advancing across the room.

“Hello,” her bright smile complimenting the melodic tone of her voice, “I’m Jillian Gray, and I’m very pleased to meet you.”

Her soft brown eyes sparkled with flecks of gold as they met Devon’s with a welcoming look. She had thick auburn hair cut just above shoulder length that framed an even featured face, and was about an inch taller than the blonde. Devon took her hand, delighted by the firmness of her grip and captivated by the depths of her warm brown eyes.

“Devon James,” She smiled widely in response. Her gaze drifted to the expressive mouth, feeling a strange heat spread through her from the point of contact with Jillian’s hand.

“My pleasure, Devon. Welcome.” Jillian realized she was still holding Devon’s hand and quickly released it. She indicated the chest of drawers on the other side of the room, “That one is empty, if you want to unpack.”

“Thanks, I want to get out of these boots,” Devon replied. Devon changed out of her uniform into a grey sleeveless t-shirt, with ARMY printed in dark green block letters across the chest, and a pair of dark green drawstring shorts. As she unpacked her bag and made up her bunk, the women engaged in light conversation. Jillian explained that she was in her second month of school, a class ahead of the one Devon was about to start.

“Did you get a chance to eat today?” Jillian rose to move toward the refrigerator, “I don’t have much, but would a sandwich do?” She pulled two beers off the door, holding one out to Devon.

“Thanks,” popping the top, she took a long drink, savoring the taste as the cold beverage went down easily. “I grabbed a bite on the way here, so I’m good.”

“So, where are you from?” Jillian asked.

“I grew up in Pennsylvania; my sister still lives there,” the junior lieutenant responded, taking another long pull on the beer. “And by the sound of that accent of yours…I’m guessing Tennessee, Kentucky maybe?” she raised an eyebrow and gave Jillian another quick flash of her bright smile.

“You are right! Kentucky. How’d you know that?” Her eyes sparkled as she returned Devon’s smile.

“I had a friend in basic training that had the same accent, so I figured.” She shrugged.

Jillian was struck by the simple explanation because what it meant was that this woman was someone who actually listens. No doubt she had probably plenty of time to talk with another recruit in three months of basic training, but she had only been here a couple hours and was able to discern the dialect. She had a good ear. Clearly, if she had been selected for this training, her test scores were in the top 5 percentile of the candidates. Attentive and intelligent.

For the first time, she really looked at her new roommate. Her slightly shorter frame was tightly sculpted muscle, her face beautifully handsome and that thick, wavy blond hair just begged to have fingers run through it. When Devon looked deliberately back at her, meeting her stare openly with achingly beautiful ice blue eyes, Jillian was suddenly flushed and cleared her throat.

“Well, I guess you must be exhausted from your long day,” she managed.

Devon looked at her watch, surprised to see that it was past midnight. She couldn’t remember the last time she had lost track of time, really enjoying a simple conversation, particularly with someone she hardly knew. She wasn’t used to letting her guard down with strangers and she wondered why tonight was different. During her entire life, she had only had one really close friend, and with the exception of her sister, she pretty much kept to herself. But, hitting it off with Jillian was definitely a good thing because they would be sharing this space for maybe six months, and Devon was happy that they seemed to be compatible.

“Yeah, you’re right, it has been a long day,” she agreed. Devon stood up and felt her fatigue in every muscle. She grabbed her toothbrush, soap and a towel, heading for the bathroom.

A short time later, they killed the lights and the newcomer was asleep nearly as soon as her head hit the pillow. Jillian lay on the top bunk, staring at the ceiling, smiling as she recalled the evening. She pictured in her mind the attractive blond lieutenant who occupied the bed below her, feeling a warm comfort inside that she couldn’t explain. Maybe it was the cute way she had fallen into the room when she arrived, or the easy conversation and the way she listened so intently, or maybe it was those excruciatingly beautiful blue eyes… Jesus. You really need to get laid this weekend. Jillian decided it was best not to read too much into a first meeting, better still not to lust after the new lieutenant, even though she was drop dead gorgeous.

#

First Lieutenant Jillian Gray walked smartly across the large expanse of the ‘quad’, an open grassy area about the size of a football field that served as the common area between the tall brick buildings lined with large satellite antenna dishes where training classes were conducted and the shorter buildings to the east that served as the housing areas. On special occasions such as class graduations, or promotional ceremonies, the area also functioned as a parade ground. It was just before five p.m. and the sun was starting to sink low in the western sky.

She was thinking how glad she was that the week was over, looking forward to the weekend and some well deserved relaxation and who knows, just maybe a romantic rendezvous. Maybe that hot little red head will be at the club again. Lost in her musings of possibilities, Jillian didn’t hear the jogger approaching from behind. She jumped as she was slapped on the back unexpectedly.

“Hey, you!” the now familiar muscular form pulled up from a full run to match the other woman’s stride. “Got out of school late, huh?” Devon asked through deep breaths. She was finishing her run, and her skin was shiny with sweat, droplets clung to the tips of her hair above her collar and her tank top molded to her torso as it absorbed the moisture.

“Yeah, I had a project to finish,” Jillian’s stare lingered a moment on the bare skin, flush from her workout. She resisted the urge to touch her finger to the large bead of sweat running from under Devon’s ear down the muscle at the side of her neck.

Devon nodded. They walked a few moments in silence. “I guess you’ll be heading into the city for the weekend?”

“Yep, that’s the plan,” Jillian returned, “I have a friend who wants to take me for a night on the town.”

“That sounds fun.” Devon’s said quietly. In the three weeks since she had arrived, Jillian had gone away every weekend. She never said where she went, just ‘the city’. The younger woman tried to hide a wave of disappointment, thinking about another solitary weekend. Devon found Jillian totally engaging, relishing the quick wit and sense of humor on display nightly. They talked about everything and nothing late into the evening as their companionable first meeting developed quickly into a friendship. Devon had been used to a somewhat solitary life and it surprised her to realize that she missed Jillian when she was away.

Jillian mulled over Devon’s obvious reaction to the mention of her weekend plans. She liked spending time together, so it wasn’t that she needed space. Quite the opposite, many times she fantasized about that gorgeous body molded to hers on the dance floor or sharing a private joke in a truly unguarded moment away from the base. Yeah, there were lots of worse things than having such a great looking woman accompany her on a weekend of fun.

She wanted to ask her to Boston, but there were just so many things to consider. She wasn’t absolutely certain that the athletic, somewhat solitary new lieutenant would even be comfortable at the establishments that Jillian frequented on her weekend trips. Then there were the others to consider. If she was wrong about the cute second lieutenant, she would put them all in jeopardy. It was one thing for her to take the risk on her own, but entirely another to involve her friends. Then again, her radar usually didn’t miss much, and she was sure that she had caught those blue eyes watching her with a bit more interest than the average female.

“What are you thinking?” the intense eyes were questioning as Jillian let out an unintentional chuckle at her thoughts. Oh, yeah, I’ll bet you are a blast. She drew in a deep breath, savoring the wicked thought.

“What?” Devon asked again. She had to smile at the devilishly playful expression on Jillian’s face.

“Nothing,” her face masked over, recovering from the momentary lustful lapse. Suddenly, trusting her instincts, Jillian plunged ahead.

“Why don’t you come with us?” She watched the blue eyes dance, but Devon’s face was still cautious.

“Are you sure? I wouldn’t want to intrude.”

“Nonsense,” she insisted, “It’s all settled, and my friends are going to love you.”

“Thanks!” Devon’s brilliant smile appeared, “I just need a few minutes to shower and throw a bag together.”

“Okay, I’ll go round up the gang and let them know you’ll be joining us. With that, she hurried off down the hall, calling over her shoulder, “Be ready in thirty minutes.”

Chapter 3

The group’s Friday night regular spot, Rumors, was a small pool hall located at the east end of what the locals called the combat zone. Lagrange Street, just outside of Chinatown and about a mile from Boston Common, teemed with exotic nightlife as the group of women made their way to the pub. Devon had never seen or been in such a place. Street performers lined the sidewalks along with hustlers, gamblers and assorted other street inhabitants. Male and female couples walked proudly, arms around each other’s waists, drag queens and kings smiled in acknowledgement of their group as they walked by. Devon was amazed at the scenery and a bit surprised when she felt her heart pounding with a bit of excitement.

Claiming a wooden table large enough for six at the back of the bar, they settled onto stools. A thin, rather butch looking redhead wearing a low cut very tight black t-shirt and a white apron around her waist approached the table. “Whaddayahave ladies?”

Jillian ordered two pitchers of beer with six glasses. Amused, she watched Devon staring wide-eyed in amazement at the surroundings. When the beer arrived, the women raised their glasses, toasting the weekend ahead. All of the women were attending advanced training on the same base, but some were in different courses and had not previously met Devon before tonight.

Jillian, who was seated next to Devon, obviously was the quasi-leader of the group. She directed much of the conversation and it was clear that the others placed a great deal of stock in her opinions. Devon noted that a few of the women regarded her suspiciously, and she thought she heard a brunette at the end of the table ask the red head next to her if ‘James was okay’.

When Jillian asked her to shoot a game of pool, Devon happily agreed, anxious to escape the scrutiny of those seated around the table. She didn’t tell her that she had never played before. As they moved toward the table, Jillian asked, “Everything okay?”

“Sure,” then she added nodding back toward the table, “Is everything okay with your friends?”

“Yeah, why?”

“I don’t know, they just seem like…well…I don’t quite fit in.” Devon’s discomfort made her eyes cloud over and Jillian felt a stab of pain in her stomach.

She wanted Devon to have a good time, but she understood the other’s hesitance. So much was at stake, their careers, their reputations; everything depended upon the utmost confidentiality. She wanted so much to come right out and say it. To tell Devon that it had nothing really to do with her; it was just the fear of being discovered. Jillian had hoped that something would come up in conversation on the ride up, or at least by now. Christ, doesn’t she realize there are no men in this bar? Military careers and lesbians, actually all gays, weren’t supposed to coexist, at least not according to the rules. Maybe I was wrong to bring you.

Shaking off the haze of doubt, Jillian thought about the reasons she had invited Devon along, aside from her physical attraction to her, of course. She had never heard the woman mention any men in her life, in fact she didn’t say much about her personal life at all, with the exception of bragging about her new nephew.

Jillian had often seen the not so subtle glances from countless GI’s as they walked around the base, but it was as if Devon didn’t even notice them. At school, the guys milled around, like sharks circling prey, and as the weeks went by Jillian increasingly felt the urge to drive a fist into the face of the next one who made a lewd comment to the others whenever she was out of earshot. Even now, among her friends she felt the overwhelming urge to protect Devon. Maybe it was the fourth beer starting to have an effect on her judgment, but for the second time in a day she decided to trust her gut.

“Don’t worry about them, they just play hard to get. They’ll be fine. Ready to play?” she indicated the pool table, grinning broadly at her opponent.

“Is it too late to tell you I’ve never done this?” Devon said sheepishly.

“Really? Well, you’ve come to the right place then. Let me show you how it’s done.”

Jillian racked the balls on the table, and then demonstrated how to break. She called stripes and began methodically working her way around the table, skillfully making four successive shots. Her student watched intently. When the teacher missed the next shot, and it was Devon’s turn, she tried to line up her first shot. Years of practice told Jillian that the angle was hopelessly wrong for the shot, but she let her try it so that she would see what happened. The green ball sailed across the table harmlessly.

“Oh, I really suck at this,” Devon laughed.

“You just need a lesson. May I?” Jillian smiled.

“Please,” Devon held out the stick with her left hand.

“No, you line up a shot and we’ll start again.” Gillian instructed. Devon bent at the waist and leaned over the table pointing the stick toward the cue ball. She felt Jillian step close behind her, thighs pressing lightly into the back of her own. Reaching around Devon’s shoulders she placed her hands lightly over the other woman’s to grasp the cue stick. Devon felt Jillian’s breath in her ear and on her neck, sending a quiver throughout her body.

Softly, Jillian said, “You draw an imaginary line through the cue ball into the ball you want to hit and line it up with the pocket. Can you see what I mean?”

She breathed deeply taking in the scent of clean, light cologne combined with fragrant shampoo. Unconsciously she pressed closer to Devon’s back. Pulling back on the pool stick together, they knocked the solid orange ball into the side pocket. Both women laughed out loud.

When Jillian stood up she felt a bit dizzy and her body tingled where it had been in contact with Devon’s. Her voice was tight, “Great shot.”

Devon leaned a hip on the corner of the pool table to steady herself against a sudden feeling of lightheadedness, her legs felt wobbly and her breathing oddly uneven. She thought that the beer was starting to have an effect on her. She rubbed a hand over her face and breathed deeply to clear her head of the intoxicating feeling. Looking up a few moments later, Jillian was standing directly in front of her, their faces inches apart, the soft brown eyes studying her with concern.

“You okay?”

The southern twang always made Devon want to smile, and she broke into a wide grin. Jillian gazed at the beauty, catching her breath, her heart hammering in her chest. When their eyes met, Jillian felt herself falling into deep pools of blue and she grabbed the table on either side of Devon’s legs to control the urge to kiss her fully right then and there. The air in the inches between them was alive and charged, heavy like the feeling of an approaching thunderstorm. Jillian watched the blood pulsing forcefully in the vein of Devon’s neck. Neither woman moved, transfixed in the heat of the moment, breathing the same air.

Pushing upright again, Jillian stepped back desperately needing her mug of beer. Confused by the abrupt withdrawal, Devon asked, “Are you alright?”

“Yeah,” she replied a bit shakily, “I just need another beer.” With that, she moved back to the safety of the large table filled with other people.

Watching Devon follow to rejoin the group Jillian grasped her mug with both hands, afraid that she couldn’t keep from touching that soft skin again when Devon sat down next to her. To the Kentucky woman’s surprise, Devon slid her stool closer as they joined in the raucous conversation going on within the group. No one else could see their legs slightly touching beneath the table.

Before the end of the night, Devon felt as though the group had begun to accept her, making her happy beyond words. What she didn’t realize is that the women had observed those moments of contact between she and Jillian with amused interest. They took note of the flustered look about the usually cool, confident Jillian Gray whenever the new girl was near. The women also noted that Devon was neither overly eager nor uncomfortable with the group’s obvious sexuality, she quietly assimilated without effort. The buzz that had filled the room was strong enough that each one of them felt it, and they, like their unofficial leader realized that they had a good feeling about their new friend. But for Jillian, the feeling was beginning to take on a much deeper meaning that both excited and frightened her to her core.

#

Saturday night was dance night, and the lively group of women dressed to kill entered the night club, moving to the pulsing beat even as they stepped through the entrance. The group threaded their way through the huge space, packed tightly with more women than Devon had ever seen assembled in one place. Just as she had the previous night, Devon was wide-eyed taking in the myriad of sights and sounds around her.

“Hey, Devon, new kid on the block buys the first round,” the brunette who had been cautious of her the night before called in a friendly tone. Her name was Julie and Devon had learned from last night’s conversation that she and Jillian had met in ROTC, and had for a time, been an item.

“Not a problem,” Devon grinned at her. She liked Julie. “So what’s everybody having?”

After getting several orders for beers, and assorted mixed drinks, Julie took pity on Devon, and offered to assist her at the bar. Julie was twenty six, roughly the same height as Devon, with a slender build, dark green eyes and shoulder length brown hair. She fixed Devon with a serious but friendly stare as they stood at the bar awaiting service.

“So what gives, kid?”

“Excuse me?” Devon was puzzled by the question and her attention was divided as she attempted to get the bartender’s attention.

“You family or what?” still, the question made no sense. The music was loud and Devon couldn’t understand.

Leaning in closer to Julie so that she could hear, she asked, “I’m sorry, did you ask about my family?”

Julie waved her hand to disregard, she was obviously getting nowhere, this one was a tough nut to crack, and that’s for sure. Watching the fair haired lieutenant capture the bartender’s undivided attention ahead of many others holding dollars out for service, she shook her head and grinned. She has no idea the affect she has on women.

Jillian made her way back to the table after dancing several fast songs with a hot brunette who had been making eyes at her all evening. She was all smiles and sweaty from the aerobic workout of the dances. Leaning into Devon with her left shoulder she grinned sideways at her, “Having fun?”

“You bet,” Devon returned the grin. She was suddenly very aware of the way the gold highlights in Jillian’s eyes danced in the flashing lights of the club. Wanting to look away, but unable, Devon blushed slightly. She reached for her beer, taking a long slow drink, her eyes riveted on Jillian.

Jillian returned the steady gaze fixing on those impossibly beautiful eyes, and then she allowed her eyes to drift over Devon’s face. A stray lock of light curl was hanging above her left eye and Jillian reached out to brush it back. She detected no movement from Devon at her touch, save the slow rise of her chest as she took in a deep breath, and her eyes that seemed to turn a bit deeper blue. Jillian leaned forward intent on placing a feather light kiss on the soft lips when the brunette she had danced with earlier suddenly appeared next to her.

Devon looked at the woman and then back to Jillian, her eyes now distant. Feeling Devon withdraw Jillian hesitated, unaccountably uncertain.

“C’mon, beautiful, you still owe me another dance,” the brunette prodded. With that she tugged Jillian back toward the pulsing lights of the dance floor.

From the dance floor Jillian stared over at the table where Devon and the rest of her friends were enjoying the evening. The dark haired woman in her arms nuzzled against her neck and rubbed a palm against her chest as they swayed with the music. “Mmm, you feel so good,” she murmured.

Jillian focused her attention on the woman in her arms. The woman’s hands roamed freely under her t-shirt until her thumb stopped on her nipple and began flicking it lightly. Jillian felt a swell of arousal between her thighs and her nipples harden under the exploring touch. She could absolutely spend some quality physical time with this beauty. Running a hand through the long dark hair as she felt the brunette’s thigh sliding between her legs making her muscles twitch, Jillian looked into hungry eyes. Yes. This was the distraction she needed.

“How ‘bout you take me back to your place?” her dance partner purred.

As she considered the proposal, Jillian’s eyes fell on Devon’s long lean form that she noticed was now standing, back to the table, watching them. For the first time in memory, she couldn’t bring herself to accept the advances of a more than willing, very pretty woman. Stepping back from the embrace, she said apologetically, “Sorry, I can’t tonight, maybe some other time.”

“That is a pity,” the dark haired woman pouted.

Jillian left the dance floor, making her way back to the table of military women. She felt out of sorts and confused by her actions tonight, so she safely moved to the opposite side of the table from where Devon stood. Julie, who had been watching Jillian and Devon’s unspoken intensity all weekend, smiled to herself recognizing the wanting glint in her former lover’s eyes when she looked at the attractive new addition to the group. How long before she realizes she is falling for that hot little thing?

Chapter 4

The following Friday night, Devon and Jillian were working furiously to clean and polish their room for the monthly Saturday morning mandatory inspection. Jillian hated these weekends because it interrupted her standing plans for a weekend off the military base, those rare hours where she could relax somewhat and be herself.

Nobody in Boston cared if she was a lesbian, in fact, she found the company of many women who were quite pleased to learn that they were exactly what she was looking for. Jillian didn’t see anything wrong with her weekend trysts, she always ensured that her partner for the evening was over eighteen, and she had never had the slightest bit of trouble finding a willing collaborator. But, here they were, wasting a perfectly good Friday buffing the floor and shining shoes.

“Jill, what’s up? You’re awful quiet tonight,” Devon was putting the final polish on the floor using a towel under the buffer pad, pleased that the resulting shine was smooth as glass. She noticed that Jillian was very distracted during the week, and at first she figured it would pass, but now she was starting to worry that she had done something to anger her. They hadn’t had any cross words or anything that Devon could think of; it seemed that it started after they left the dance club in Boston last Saturday night. Maybe it’s because that brunette didn’t sleep with her.

“Hmm?” Jillian looked up from the collar brass she was polishing, and was surprised to see her roommate regarding her quite seriously. Her normally bright blue eyes were troubled.

“I asked if you were okay. You’ve been pretty quiet this week.” Devon repeated.

“I’m fine.” With that Jillian returned to her polishing, thinking about her feelings, and frustrated by the truth that whenever Devon was around she couldn’t concentrate on anything. Angry with herself for allowing her attention to this woman to result in such uncertainty within her, she felt a sudden need to put some distance between them for her own sanity.

“I’m gonna get some fresh air.” With that she grabbed her keys off the nightstand and walked out the door, leaving Devon staring at her back as she strode down the hall.

Without thinking, Jillian automatically found herself entering the adjoining dormitory and taking the stairs to the third floor. She lightly knocked at the first door on the right. Julie smiled brightly as she opened her door to find her friend standing there.

“Hey,” she gave the other woman a warm hug, “c’mon in.”

Returning the hug Jillian stepped inside the room identical to the one she shared with Devon. Looking around at the various personal belongings and photographs on display, her eye was drawn to one of her and Julie the day they graduated from ROTC. Immediately an image of the two of them making love sliced into her consciousness, making her stomach tighten and she immediately pushed it away. That seemed like a lifetime ago, and they were too good of friends now to go there again.

“Want a beer?” Julie was extracting two bottles from the refrigerator and Jillian accepted one gratefully.

They sat for a few minutes in uneasy silence as Julie watched her auburn haired friend closely. Her brown eyes were darker than usual and she had a distracted, tense air about her, as though she was a dry twig ready to snap. She sat looking down at the beer bottle, picking at the label with her thumbnail. Julie could see that she was troubled, and she was fairly certain she knew what or rather who was causing her such consternation.

Finally, Julie decided that she would have to be the one to ask. Pulling her chair close enough to place a hand lightly on her friend’s knee, she said gently, “It might help if you talk about what’s bothering you.”

At first, Jillian started to protest. She opened her mouth to tell Julie she was fine, just a bit tired from too much partying, but when she looked into those emerald green eyes, she couldn’t lie. After all they had been through together Julie was the one person in the world who could read her like a book. She stood and walked to the window, drawing a deep breath, unsure of exactly what to say.

Julie sipped her beer and waited quietly. A few moments later Jillian turned to face her, leaning back on the window sill, she drained her beer, set the bottle beside her and folded her arms across her chest. Her eyes moved from Julie’s face to a spot on the wall behind her as she spoke.

“I wish I knew where to begin, Jules.” She said just barely above a whisper.

“Anywhere is fine,” Julie responded kindly, “you know you can tell me anything.”

Jillian nodded, opening her mouth to speak, and then stopped again, her brown eyes so awash in confusion that they appeared to be melting.

Julie decided to take a chance. “Is it Devon?”

Jillian visibly tensed at the question and for a moment Julie thought that she said the wrong thing. She held her breath waiting for the other woman’s response.

At length, the confused brown eyes found the steady green gaze, drawing strength enough to continue. After a shaky breath, she began, “This is so not like me, Jules. Well, you know that.”

Julie’s expression remained calm and reassuring. Jillian plunged ahead, “I can’t stop thinking about her. When we’re not together all I think about is what she might be doing. I can’t concentrate on my work. What’s worse is when we’re together all I want to do is…touch her.” Her voice broke. Julie nodded and smiled slightly, wordlessly encouraging her friend to keep talking.

“I…I don’t know what to do, I am not used to this. I’m the roll in the hay fun girl, right?” She ran her hand through her hair and shook her head. When she saw the flash of hurt in Julie’s eyes, she immediately wished she hadn’t come. She knew that she had hurt this woman, precisely with her refusal to commit, playgirl behavior. The fear of commitment then had driven Jules away and now Jillian was reminded of the pain she caused and she felt ashamed.

As though reading her thoughts, Julie smiled, “We were never meant to be Jill.” Jillian smiled sadly, grateful for the other woman’s ability to forgive.

“So what do you want to do?” Julie asked softly. Jillian walked to the refrigerator and retrieved two more beers, opening Julie’s for her.

“I don’t know. Hell, Jules, I don’t even know if she’s a lesbian for Christ’s sake. What am I supposed to do, just ask her? What if she isn’t, then what? Will she keep quiet? Oh, this is so fucked up.” She rubbed her face with the palm of her hand then stalked across the room trying to burn nervous energy.

Raising her hands to shoulder height and turning in a circle she continued, “Did you see me last week, Jules? I couldn’t even sleep with that gorgeous woman that was falling all over me. What’s happening to me?” With that she flopped onto the small tan loveseat in the center of the room and pulled a long drink from her beer.

In fact, Julie had seen the signs. It was obvious to anyone with eyes and a brain that Jillian was falling head over heels for the newest lieutenant on the base. At first, Julie had been wary of the newcomer, after all, none of them could be too careful. CID, Criminal Investigations Division, was always looking to expose individuals that they suspected of being homosexual, especially if you were training in a field requiring a security clearance. But, so far, Julie had no reason to suspect that the lieutenant was anything but what she appeared to be—friendly, fun, a bit naïve maybe, and definitely hot.

“So why did you ask her to come to Boston with us? You must have had a reason, Jill,” Julie’s tone was a bit harsher than she intended, but wanted Jillian to think this through.

When her friend didn’t answer, she said quietly, “Jill, I know why you do what you do. You think that not letting people into your heart will keep you from getting hurt again. I can’t understand how your family—or any family could turn their back on their own daughter. I know that’s why you…stay…avoid relationships, but don’t turn your back on the possibility of happiness without even knowing what might be there.”

She paused, and carefully finished, “That’s really what this is all about, right? She’s gotten under your skin. Otherwise you would have already slept with her.”

“Do you think I’m crazy?” Jillian’s voice was hoarse with emotion. Julie had cut to her inner demons as only she could.

Crossing the room to sit next to Jillian, Julie put an arm around her shoulder and pulled the auburn head down to her chest, stroking her hair gently.

“I think you try so hard to appear that you don’t need anybody that you almost had yourself convinced. Trust your instincts, Jill. You’ll know if it’s right.”

Jillian looked at her friend in wonder, “How did you get to be so smart?”

Julie gave her a crooked grin, “I read a lot of fortune cookies.” Laughing, she playfully pushed Jillian, “Now get out of here and talk to that woman. I have a feeling it will be worth it.”

Walking back across the quad, Jillian thought about what her friend had said. She looked up to where the window to their shared room overlooked the open field, knowing as she approached, that she was nearing a moment of truth. She could openly admit to a physical attraction toward the beautiful blonde, who couldn’t see how great looking she was? What unnerved Gillian is the fact that she never wanted to touch anyone as badly as she wanted to touch Devon and it literally terrified her when she thought about doing it.

She spent so many nights lying awake listening to the soft breathing coming from the bunk below her and imagining what it would be like to hold her while she dreamed. In the morning, if she woke first, she would lean over the side and watch Devon sleep, feeling an ache in her heart. But, she reminded herself all of this build up could be nothing more than wishful, unrequited longing, and Julie was right, there was only one way to find out.

When she reached the center of the hallway, she saw that the door to their room was slightly ajar. Remembering that the floor was freshly buffed, Jillian removed her shoes and pushed the door open quietly, stepping inside.