Disclaimer: None really, except to say there will be
women in love (eventually) and there’s a bit of cursing and mention of abuse,
but nothing graphic at all.
Author’s
note: I
appreciate all of those who have sent emails inquiring about the story. My desire to write had gone to the wayside
for a bit, but it is back now. Also,
I’ve tweaked the story a bit and have rewritten some parts. Nothing major, but probably enough to warrant
starting at the beginning again. I hope
you enjoy.
Feedback, as always, is appreciated. luciddream@cox.net
Part 1
She sat behind the wheel debating whether she was
awake enough to drive the 15-minute trip home.
Two enormous yawns later; she cranked the ignition, stuck an obnoxiously
loud CD in the stereo and took the volume up to a level her speakers could
barely handle. “That’ll do.” She mumbled
to no one, pulling the car away from the lot and into the early morning
darkness.
Amazed she was able to stay awake even with the
bone jarring drumbeats coming out of her speakers, Lan turned in to her
once-considered middle-class neighborhood.
Fresno was a medium sized city in the Central Valley of California and
its residents had begun to migrate to the west side of town where they were
turning farmland into huge houses with no yards, shopping malls and
multiplexes. As a result, it left all of
the east side neighborhoods to the ones who were barely making it by. It was the only part of town they could
afford. There were a few families that
had resisted the migration west, either because of financial burdens or
stubbornness, but the number of original owners was dwindling and the once
nice, kept up neighborhood had turned into mostly low rent and poorly
maintained houses.
Lan had bought her duplex condo as soon as she had
saved enough money for a down payment.
She knew it wasn’t in the best neighborhood, but she’d had no problem
taking care of herself in the past and it was what she could afford. It had been so long since she’d had some
stability in her living situation, having a place to call her own was one of
the first promises she’d made to herself when she’d found steady work. It had needed a lot of work, but she was up
to the challenge and has been for the past two years, slowly transforming the
duplex into a space she savored.
Pulling up into the drive, she cut off her lights
so they wouldn’t shine into her neighbors’ kids’ bedroom. She sat at the wheel in a trance for several
seconds. Sensing she might fall asleep
outside in her car if she didn’t get a move on; she gathered her bag and keys
and headed for her front door.
~~~~~~~
The sun greeted her with brilliant opaque oranges
and pinks, bathing her room in the warm glow of a late August morning. She smiled sleepily as she felt her two
canine companions, rescues from the shelter, stir near her feet. They were very much in tune with their
master’s schedule and knew she was up before her usual.
True, Lan had only gotten home from work a mere 3
hours ago, but she’d forgotten to close the blackout shade on her bedroom
window. Work had been crazy-busy with no
breaks and Lan had made it home with just enough energy to shed her jeans and
bra before collapsing into bed.
Oddly, she felt rested enough to rise so she made
the move to get up. The smaller female
mutt named Bait wasn’t buying it and plopped her head right back down with a
decidedly human-like sigh. Hook, the
larger male mutt was all for early rising and happily hopped to the edge of the
bed and down to the floor, wagging his stubby tail.
Taking a moment to make sure she really wanted to
get up, Lan sat at the edge of the bed with her arms bracing her. She smiled affectionately at Hook who looked
like he might burst with joy at maybe having an early morning walk.
“I’m thinkin’ about it, buddy. You gotta get your sister up though.” Lan explained to the wiggly little dog. Deciding she would indeed brave the early
hour, Lan stood and ambled to her small dresser and pulled some shorts and a
t-shirt that were barely acceptable to be seen in public together. Laundry had been on her list of things to do
for a few days now.
After going to the bathroom and washing her face,
she collected her shoes, a hat and leashes and headed to the front door. The sound of the leashes was enough to rouse
Bait and by the time Lan had her shoes and hat on, both dogs were ready and
waiting, sitting obediently, despite their obvious excitement. She stared down at the two rescued mutts for
several seconds, reflecting on how much joy they brought to her life. “You two just live and love to please, don’t
you?” She asked around a sweet
smile. She could have sworn they smiled
back.
~~~~
“Two Vodka Collins and a Rum and Coke, light
ice!” Joyce shouted to Lan over the din
of the crowd. The patrons had come to
see the latest local band, Forethought.
By local band standards they were pretty good, with a sound somewhere
between early punk and late grunge. Lan
was actually enjoying their set while adroitly pouring one drink after
another. She and Ross were working
tonight and they moved in fluid synchronicity as drinks were called out to them
from every direction.
“Here ya go, Joyce!” Called Lan as she set the drinks and bill
near her tray so she could arrange them.
As Lan went to turn around, a handsome dark haired man caught her
wrist. She focused on him as she
discreetly removed her wrist from his grip.
“What can I get for you?” She
asked, turning on an automatic smile.
“You are incredible, you move so fast!” He gushed, evidently slightly inebriated and
completely enamored. She forced herself
not to roll her eyes. It was moments
like this she wished she’d suggested Chris and Bart opened a men’s gay
bar. Unfortunately, they just weren’t in
the right area, let alone city, for one.
Lan was the bar manager of In the Drink, one of
the popular bars near the recently revamped downtown area. The bar had changed hands and names a few
times over the years, but had finally found its niche as a casual place to have
some drinks and hear the latest local bands.
Locals as well as the rare visitor would come in and hang out, either
crowd feeling just as welcomed as the other.
She’d begun working there as a barback when it was
a trendy, businessman-type bar and had been asked to stay on as it changed
owners and subsequently clientele. Each
time it was bought, it seemed she, along with Joyce, came with the
property. She didn’t mind it at all. It afforded her the opportunity to move up to
where she was today.
Eventually, Chris and Bart, a middle-aged gay
couple from the Bay Area, bought the bar.
By that time, she had become a bartender. The couple quickly realized she was smart,
thought quickly on her feet, and had a diplomatic style any politician would be
envious of. Alcohol induced impatience
and bravado can make for some pretty entertaining stories once the bar closes,
but those situations tended to be a pain in the ass with a bar full of
patrons. Lan seemed to be able to talk
anyone down off that ledge of drunken stupidity.
So when Chris and Bart began planning the changes
they’d make to the bar, they asked for Lan’s input. Her ideas pretty much resulted in what the
bar is today and also in her becoming manager.
That was close to two years ago and she hadn’t given any thoughts to
moving on. The couple had also been able
to purchase an art gallery, their true passion, and run it themselves, pretty
much leaving the bar in the capable hands of Lan.
“Thanks.” She said, trying to act flattered that
the man had noticed. “What can I get for
you?” She asked again as she began
filling the next order shouted to her by Joyce.
“What do you recommend?” He asked with rapt curiosity.
For
you to order and leave me alone so I can fill these orders,
she thought. “I myself like a nice
ale. We have a good one on tap.” She said instead as she leaned into the bar
to make way for Marty the bar back who was bringing back clean glasses. Lan’s eyes darted from the customer’s to
around the bar, hearing another waitress’s order.
“Ale it is.”
He beamed. “By the way, my name
is Peter. Friends call me Pete.” He added.
“Comin’ up, Pete.”
She smiled and winked and moved on, glad to be out of earshot. It went against everything a bartender was to
not at least be a little flirtatious. It
kept the customers buying drinks.
It didn’t hurt that people found Lan easy on the
eyes as well. Her lithe, muscular build
and friendly open face made flirting a little less of a challenge for her,
which was good because she was sure she’d be quite terrible at it if she had to
mean it.
Chris was always teasing her about her flirting
prowess, or lack of it. She usually came back with some comment about leaving
them wanting more, which always brought an incredulous laugh from the older
man. They all knew it was a necessary
evil in this line of work, and that is exactly how Lan viewed it.
At the end of the busy night, Lan was engaged in
the automatic task of wiping down tables when she heard the heavy footsteps of
Bart, Chris’ partner coming down from the upstairs apartment. He was the taller and gruffer of the two,
with thick black hair and beard. His
deep-set dark eyes held a constant intensity that always held a person’s
attention. “Why are you cleaning
up?” He asked as he made his way to the
back of the bar, looking for something.
“Marty was dead on his feet. I don’t think he was feeling well either, so
I sent him home.” She said, looking up
to see what he was rummaging around for.
He popped his head up from beneath the bar, a question forming on his
lips. She smiled, pointing to the locked
cabinet. He smiled and took out his
keys. She knew he was looking for the
good brandy. He and Chris usually had a
glass when one or the other was too wired to sleep.
He produced two shot glasses and poured an equal
amount into each. She shook her head
with a small smile at his choice in glassware.
“I tell you, Lan, it is unnatural that you are a
teetotaler, being a bartender and all.”
He laughed good-naturedly as he approached her.
“Yeah, just
don’t let that out to the customers.
Tonight I recommended the ale, by the way.” She smiled, thinking about the young man who
had shyly asked for her number at the end of the night. She gave her standard reply, ‘If only I
didn’t have a boyfriend…’ but she never finished the sentence, just gave a
chagrined smile, which left the asker to ponder what she just might do if she
didn’t have that boyfriend.
It would have been a mystery to Lan too. Including the part about having a
boyfriend. Being more focused on
surviving than dating during her teen years, she’d missed out on that rite of
passage. When she began working in the
bar, the kind of men that asked her out didn’t interest her enough to even
consider accepting. So, I can’t miss what I don’t know, she’d
told herself more than once.
“Well, teetotaler or not, you are one hell of a
bartender, not to mention manager.” He
said sincerely.
“Thank you.”
She said simply around a small smile.
“You bet.
Now, go home. It’s past 3
a.m. Chris and I will finish cleaning
tomorrow.” He said around a small
smile.
“All right.
Night, Boss.” She said as she
took the rag and tossed it into one of the bar sinks.
Upon nearing her home, she felt a knot form in her
stomach. She didn’t have to ponder the
source very long as she saw the beat up silver Cadillac Seville in the driveway
next to hers.
“That asshole had better not be here.” Lan
mumbled, already knowing he was. As she
pulled into her side of the driveway, she could already hear the sounds of
shouting and dishes crashing against the walls.
“Why can’t they give it a fucking rest!”
She shouted angrily at her steering wheel. She would get no sleep tonight.
If this had been the second or even the tenth time
she’d witnessed her neighbors going at it like a bad Cops episode, she might
have been shocked or scared. Not
anymore.
It was three in the morning and she just wanted to
go into her house, crawl in bed and go to sleep. She pondered the idea of actually calling the
cops, but knew they’d take their sweet time in showing up, if at all. They had been here many times before,
sometimes even hauling in the mother too and calling CPS to pick up their two
kids.
It really disturbed Lan that these two people
fought like this in front of their children, but she was loathed to step
in. She’d tried the first time she heard
them fighting and learned real quick that you don’t get in the middle of two
tweaked out spouses who seemed hell-bent on trying to kill each other. She just called the police instead.
When they’d
moved in about a year ago, Lan figured them for a nice young family trying to
make ends meet. Perhaps they really did
start out that way, but about two months into it, Lan began hearing them fight.
In reality, she did miss most of the fighting as
they usually took to each other at night, when Lan was at work. It was only occasionally that their fighting
would spill into the wee hours of the morning and certainly by mid-morning they
would both crash, sleeping away the end of their highs, Lan supposed.
On occasion, the two kids would seek refuge at
Lan’s. They were sweet but timid
kids. Katy, the girl, was the oldest at
13. She looked out for her brother, John
who was nine. Lan would get a knock on
her door, and without a word she’d just let them in and usually fix them
something to eat.
When they’d first shown up on her doorstep, she
was surprised and didn’t quite know what to do or say. After a few silent moments Katy asked if they
could just come in and pet her dogs for a little bit. Without a word, she’d let them in and they’d
stayed for about an hour, playing with the dogs, laughing and smiling with each
other at the dogs’ antics. She sat and
watched them, noticing how the two siblings created their own little world,
paying little attention to her. After a
while, the kids would seem just as normal as any others. No visible effects of the fight. But she knew better. Kids can recover from a lot, but not without
scars.
She often wondered why CPS continued to place
these kids back into the home, but realized they might not be any better off in
a place where they might be separated.
At least they had somewhere safe to go. After about half a dozen visits, she had told
Katy where the hidden key was to her door and instructed her to use it if they
ever needed to anytime she wasn’t home.
Lan didn’t elaborate more than that, and Katy didn’t ask. She just nodded slowly and offered an earnest
and humble ‘thank you.’
That was about four months ago, and from what Lan
could tell, the kids had yet to use it.
But things had actually been a little better recently. The father, or whatever he was, Chuck, had
seemingly moved out about a month ago.
For whatever reason, he was back tonight.
Lan got out of her car slowly, trying to peer into
the upstairs room to see if she could see the kids’ bedroom light on. She couldn’t, so she surmised they were
asleep in their beds. Who am I kidding? Who could sleep through this noise?
Another loud crack came from the house, startling
Lan and driving her eyes to look into the downstairs room where the parents
were. Then she heard the sound of flesh
striking flesh and then a muffled grunt.
Her eyes widened as the wife stumbled out of the house holding her
head. Her hand came away with blood and
she swooned. “Katy, John!” She screamed in fear as she stumbled down the
stairs of the front porch.
Hearing the kids’ names prompted Lan to act. Heart pounding mercilessly in her throat, Lan
made her way from her open car door, quickening her pace towards her neighbors’
front yard. As Lan began moving toward the woman, she saw a tremendous amount
of blood on the side of her face. Lan
fumbled in her jacket pocket for her phone and dialed 911, asking for the
police as well as an ambulance.
After what seemed like a lifetime of screaming,
pleading and attempted calm questioning and negotiations, Chuck was cuffed and
in a squad car and Tina, the wife, was sitting in an ambulance. Apparently, he’d violated a restraining order
his wife had gotten against him. Lan
overheard the paramedic say the wife needed to come to the hospital overnight
for observation.
Jesus,
how can two people who were supposed to love each other do this to one another?
And in front of their kids? Lan
was all to familiar with this scenario, though, and it made her sick. She had
been standing around with one of the officers, telling them what she’d seen and
heard. She ran her hand over her tired
eyes, rubbing them to keep them from closing involuntarily. The adrenaline of the situation had run off
and she was completely exhausted. Out of
the corner of her eye she saw the two kids talking with the other officer. Both had blankets wrapped around them, their
expressions a mixture of sleepy numbness and muted fear.
“Where will the children go?” Lan suddenly asked. The officer looked over at his partner.
“Well, we’ll put a call into CPS…”
“Can I take them?”
Lan heard herself say abruptly, cutting off the officer.
“You a relative too?” He asked as he looked down at his notes,
confused.
“No… but when their parents fight, they come
over. They like to play with my
dogs.” She finished awkwardly. She gathered her wits about her. Suddenly, nothing was more important to her
than making sure these kids didn’t have to spend the night with strangers. “Look, its…” she glanced at her watch, “3:30
in the morning. They know me. You can have someone come for them later,
after they’ve had some sleep. Please.”
The officer looked at Lan pointedly, obviously
trying to decide what to do. He motioned
for his partner to come over and they met halfway between Lan and the
kids. She took this opportunity to walk
over to them. She looked sympathetically
at them both, ruffling John’s already sleep tousled hair. They gave her weary smiles. She couldn’t think of anything to say that
might make them feel better and didn’t want to get their hopes up if they
couldn’t stay with her, so she just stood by them, watching the officers
talking. The children’s eyes tracked one
of the officers as they went and spoke to their mother. After a few seconds, she nodded at what the
officer had asked her.
Finally, the one who had been talking with the
kids came over and asked if they would like to stay with Lan until their mom is
released from the hospital, most likely later that day. They both nodded enthusiastically, each
looking at Lan with relieved smiles.
“All right.”
The officer said around a faint smile.
“I’ll just need to get your phone number Ms. Murphy. Mrs. Williams said to say thank you for
taking her kids in.”
Katy spoke up meekly. “Is..is my mom going to be okay? She was just trying to tell him to
leave. He wouldn’t.” she finished, clearly upset at what she’d
witnessed.
The officer briefly looked over at the ambulance
doors that were being closed by the paramedics.
“She’ll be fine, kiddo. They just
need to make sure her head is okay and that will take a few hours.” He said gently.
Satisfied with his answer, the kids looked
expectantly at Lan. She held out her
hand to shake with the officer and thanked him.
He nodded and made his way back to the squad car with his partner. Left alone, the three of them watched
silently as both the squad car and ambulance pulled away.
The commotion of the last hour finally gave way to
stillness, leaving both Lan and the kids listless and exhausted. Lan looked at the kids, letting the situation
finally sink in. She had just taken full
responsibility for these kids, if only for a few hours.
“You want to get anything from your house?” Lan asked lightly. They both shook their heads vehemently. Understandable,
thought Lan. “Okay then. Let’s go get you settled.” She smiled as she put a hand on each of their
shoulders, guiding them gently to her side of the duplex.
When they entered the house, the two little mutts,
Bait and Hook, took to welcoming the children with excited barks and furiously
wagging tails. Lan finally calmed the
dogs so they could all enter the house.
“Well, the guest room has a double bed. You guys mind sharing it?” They both shrugged nonchalantly.
“We share a room anyway.” Katy commented as she bent to pet the
dogs.
“Oh, okay.
Bathroom’s… well you know where it is.
Can I get you guys anything?”
Both shook their head no, but Katy’s eyes lingered on Lan’s. Lan could tell she had something to say. Lan stood patiently until Katy spoke.
“That man, Chuck, he is not our dad.” She said with calm intensity. Lan was surprised by that fact but worked not
to show it. She’d just assumed he
was. It was obviously important to Katy
that Lan knew the truth so Lan just nodded solemnly. They shared a look of quiet understanding.
“Thanks, Lan…for letting us stay here.”
Katy said finally in a quiet earnestness that broke Lan’s heart a
little.
“You bet.”
She said, barely above a whisper.
Lan retired to her room, absently snapping her
fingers as that was the signal for her dogs to follow her to bed. She closed the door quietly after them and
sat down on her bed. She’d really
surprised herself by asking to take the children. She barely knew them really. More surprising
was their mother allowed it. She’d
guessed she was a better option than Child Protective Services at least.
Lan couldn’t remember the last time she’d actually
had any guests stay over at her home.
She’d really only visited with the children for short instances and
they’d never gotten beyond what Lan would consider polite small talk for
kids. They’d always stayed on safe
topics like Lan’s dogs or school.
Not once had Lan ever asked about how they were
coping with what went on at home.
Neither child had ever brought it up either. Lan felt a bit guilty about that and vowed to
approach the subject with them. She was
no stranger to what these kids were experiencing and could perhaps be of some
help to them.
Being a light sleeper, the slam of the car door
jolted Lan out of bed. She looked at the
clock next to her bed. 12:13 p.m. She peered out of the window, crinkling the
aluminum blinds. I guess they released her already, Lan thought. She watched Tina, the
kids’ mom, lean through the taxi driver’s door and give him his fare. She stood several moments after he pulled
from the curb, looking utterly lost. She
felt sorry for the woman for a moment and then thought about what she’d allowed
her children, the ones sleeping in the next room, to witness for years.
Lan
knew she shouldn’t judge others. She’d
never been in a position like that, at least not as an adult. She’d had experience with similar situations
though. Perhaps it was why she felt so
strongly about Katy and John and wanted to protect them however she could.
Thinking over last night, she felt she could do
some good here. She knew she couldn’t
make any decisions for these kids, but she’d offer what help she could to
them.
Yawning mutely, she began putting on a pair of
jeans and a t-shirt. She’d go next door
and offer to keep the kids until she had to go to work at 6 p.m. that
night. She was sure the woman wasn’t
feeling all that great and maybe wanted some time to sort stuff out. As Lan stepped up to the porch identical to
hers, she realized she’d never spoken to the woman more than a ‘hello’ the two
years she’d lived here. She steeled her
nerves and took a deep breath before knocking quietly on the door.
After about 30 seconds, she heard footsteps and
then the click of the lock. A badly
bruised face peered back at her, a bandage covering the woman’s temple and part
of her forehead. “I was just coming up
to get the kids…” The woman stuttered
out. “I hope they weren’t any
trouble.” She finished awkwardly.
“None at all.
Listen, they are still sound asleep and I don’t have to go to work until
tonight. If you’d like, I could keep
them for a bit. You could get some
rest…or something.” Lan finished a little more nervous sounding than she’d
liked.
The woman appeared to be thinking it over as Lan
stood looking peripherally at the small front yard. “I guess.
If they are still sleeping. They
didn’t get much last night…” She let the
phrase hang, ashamed. Her eyes quickly
met Lan’s. “I wanted to thank you. I couldn’t bare them going into the
children’s facility again.” She looked
as if she was going to say more, but just sighed deeply and trained her eyes on
the ground.
“No problem…Tina.”
Lan said. Using the woman’s first
name felt a little strange on her tongue.
The woman must have had the same sentiment too as her eyes abruptly
caught Lan’s for a second before quickly focusing on the ground again.
Lan stepped off the porch, saying she’d have the
kids back soon. Tina nodded, gave a
small smile and closed the door slowly.
CHAPTER 2
“Ugh…” Lan
groaned as she heard the doorbell ring.
“It’s 10 a.m!” She growled, not
caring that that was a perfectly acceptable time to visit in the normal
world. But, Lan didn’t really exist in
the normal world too often. At work by 6
p.m., usually home in bed by 4 a.m. She
saw little of the world or people with her work schedule. No, her life existed between the bar, the
occasional errand and her dogs, who were now barking excitedly. She rolled out of bed with a small smile
realizing who was most likely at her door.
She had seen them only a few times in the two weeks that followed the
incident that sent their father to jail and mother to the hospital.
“Hey, you guys!” Lan greeted the brother and sister with
sincere joy. Upon opening the door, she
heard them talking about something animatedly.
She held the door open so they could cross into the living room.
“Hi, Lan.”
John said quietly, furtively. He has such a sweet little smile,
thought Lan.
She smiled down at him. “How are you?”
“I’m okay…I’m good.” He replied shyly. He shuffled his feet as he looked down at the
dogs.
“Ask her!”
Katy whispered loudly, nudging her brother. Lan just watched the two, a smile on her face
still.
“Um, we wanted to know if you’d like to come over
for an early dinner…you know before you go to work.” He said in a rush. He finished looking up at Lan with large
brown, hopeful eyes. How could Lan
resist?
“Sure. What
time would you like me over?” She asked
as she motioned for them to sit down, which they did side by side.
“Around four?”
Probed Katy.
“Sure. I’ll
be over there. Can I bring
anything?” She asked.
“No. My mom
wanted to thank you for taking us that night.
She just wants you to bring yourself.”
Katy smiled as Bait took that moment to jump into her lap.
“Okay.
Thanks for the invite.” Lan said
as she stood to offer them something to drink.
They abruptly stood and began making their way to the door.
“Well, we better get going. We need to finish our chores.” Katy explained. They knelt to give the dogs a final pet.
“Oh.
Okay. I’ll see you in a few hours
then.” Lan said as she walked them to
the door. They waved goodbye, leaving a
slightly puzzled Lan at her own door.
The invite was certainly a surprise.
Obviously the step-dad was still locked up. She couldn’t imagine being asked over if he
was around. Nor could she imagine the
kids looking as happy and at ease as she’d ever seen them.
Lan stepped back as the screen door swung
open. It was John greeting her with a
huge yet shy smile. She ruffled his hair
as she walked through the door. She
handed him the bag with the carton of ice cream. She couldn’t show up empty-handed even though
she was told not to bring anything.
Looking wide eyed at the bag in his hands and
warring between being polite and curious, Lan put an end to the boy’s
struggle. “It’s ice cream.” She whispered conspiratorially. His face beamed as he streaked into the kitchen,
announcing what she’d brought. That
brought a chuckle out of her.
Not knowing exactly what to do, Lan stood in the
living room. She took a quick look
around. She knew the floor plan, as it
was the mirror image of her own. The
furnishings were comfortable, done in a tasteful country decoration. There was a conspicuous absence of framed
pictures, she noticed.
“Thanks for coming over.” Called Tina as she poked her head out of the
kitchen. Gone was the bandage. Only a garish, colorful bruise and healing
scar remained. The woman smiled as she
waved Lan into the kitchen. “Join us,
we’re about ready to sit down.”
“Okay.” Lan
responded as she walked into the kitchen.
They had roughly the same arrangement in their dining room as Lan did
with the kitchen table in the center of the dining room with a small hutch in
the corner. This room too was done up in
a country motif with pastel checked table cloth on top of a butcher block table
with white legs and chairs. The kids
framed the table, each pointing to the far head of the four-person table. Lan took her cue and sat down.
“You want any help with anything?” Lan asked as she settled herself. She felt like she was being wait on and it
made her feel a little uneasy.
“No, we got it.”
Called Tina over her shoulder as she brought over a casserole dish that
smelled heavenly. Lan rarely cooked much
for herself, other than the usual heat and eat meal. She smiled as the kids hustled around getting
drinks and side dishes from the kitchen.
Finally, all were sitting down. A few seconds of awkward silence settled on
the foursome until John informed them all that they should all save room for
the ice cream Lan brought. They all
laughed at the boy’s unexpected announcement, and the awkwardness of the evening
faded away along with the early evening sun.
As Tina and Lan sat out on the back porch eating
their ice cream they watched the kids play with Lan’s two dogs they’d insisted
she bring over after dinner. The two
women hadn’t really spoken much during dinner aside from small talk between the
two kids’ animated tales of school happenings.
Lan marveled at the change in John since that night they stayed with
Lan. He was like a different boy, filled
with mirth and mischief, just like a boy his age should be. Even Katy seemed less serious.
“Katy told me you leave a key for them.” Tina said pointedly. It caught Lan off-guard as she hadn’t thought
about how that would look to the kids’ mother.
She also didn’t want to break the pleasant mood by bringing up the
woman’s estranged husband.
“Yeah, well, they like to see the dogs and I work
a lot…” Lan trailed off awkwardly. She didn’t want to say it was to get away
from their parents, even though it was probably obvious to Tina. She spared Lan from any further explanation
by resting a hand on Lan’s forearm.
“Again thank you.
You seem to think more about my kids’ well-being than I do.” She said with a grim, sad smile. Lan made a face as if to contradict what was
just put out there, but Tina just shook her head.
“Don’t say you disagree. We know you’d be saying it just to be
polite.” The woman held Lan’s eyes in a
benign challenge. When Lan’s eyes signaled
acquiescence, Tina continued, eyes unfocused and recalling the past.
“When we began seeing each other, he was so
sweet. He treated Katy and John like his
own. Then about 3 years ago he began to
come home at all hours, drunk or high. I used to go toe to toe with him. We’d get in hellacious fights. He’d always ask forgiveness, I forgave. I don’t know what I was thinking.” She shook her head, disgusted at
herself. “Then he began to get violent
with me. I knew my kids would be
next. So I tried to kick him out. You saw how that went.” She said, her laughed tainted with
bitterness.
Tina took a deep breath and then sighed, ready
move to the present. “These last few
days have opened my eyes to so much.”
Now, her smile was open and genuine and directed towards her kids. “I have a lot of work to do, but I swear, I
will make it up to those two. They will
never have to live scared again.”
Both women sat back in their chairs in silence as
they watched the children play.
While at work that night, Lan found herself
thinking about the family that lived next door.
She would smile unconsciously, picturing the kids playing with the dogs
in their backyard. She really hoped that
things would begin to look up for them.
It had seemed they were starting to already. She admired Tina’s strength in realizing what
she had to do, even if it came later than she’d wanted. At
least she’s realizing it before its too late, Lan thought.
Lan sat quietly at her small kitchen table reading
the paper and drinking her requisite one cup of coffee. A green-gold maple leaf fluttering to earth
caught her attention, fall is just around
the corner… where did summer go? She
liked the warm weather immensely but found herself not really enjoying it like
she had in previous years. Perhaps it
was age, she’d thought. She chuckled to
herself, when had 32 become old?
Sometimes though, at the end of a double shift at
the bar, she felt twice her age. With
little else to occupy her time except her dogs really, Lan usually worked at
the bar beyond what was required of her.
Man, I need a hobby or I need to
take a class, she’d told herself. Perhaps a painting or photography class. She enjoyed both and figured she’d have fun
doing either.
She decided she’d see if the local community
college offered any afternoon classes in either subject. She breathed in the cool morning air, idly
circling the rim of her cup with her index finger. Yeah, I
need something fun.
Motivated by her decision, she gathered up her paper and
coffee cup, put them in their respective places and tugged on her shoes,
grabbed her keys and bid her dogs goodbye with a treat for each. Within the hour, she was signed up for the
early afternoon fall session of Introduction to Photography.
She decided to have a walk around campus, enjoying the
atmosphere. There were plenty of
students about, bustling to and fro, getting everything taken care for the fall
session.
Lan hadn’t made it to college and that fact had saddened her
somewhat. She had been a good student,
but any college ambitions were eclipsed when her mother began dating Stan when
Lan was 13.
The story of her home life after Stan became her step-father
was as predictable as a bad television movie.
He was a lowlife, a marginally employed, abusive bastard. She spent two years witnessing her mother
being beaten and then making excuses for him.
He had been verbally abusive to Lan for those first two years, but Lan
had packed her bags the night he had finally turned his fists on her. She remembered hesitating at the front door
as her mother pleaded for her to stay.
The next words her mother uttered however would not only send Lan out of
the house that night, but out of her life for good. “He
didn’t mean it, Lan...”
With no money and nowhere to go, Lan had wandered through her
mother’s side of the family, sensing full well she was a burden, no matter if
she took on a job to help cover her own expenses while finishing out the last
two years of high school. She cursed her
biological father for never caring enough to want to know her. He was dead or in prison for all she
knew. Her mother never talked about
him. All she knew was that they’d been
together a few short years and then he was gone.
She’d hoped to get some sort of scholarship, but realized her
grades would never hold up. They’d
steadily dropped off in concert with her unstable family life and hours spent
on part-time jobs. Two weeks after she’d
graduated, her mother’s sister, whom she’d been living with, had explained that
Lan was an adult now and should be out living on her own and that is exactly
where she found herself shortly before her eighteenth birthday.
So, she spent her years out of high school working and
scraping by, harboring a sharp, all-encompassing bitterness that choked the
life out of any future she’d previously envisioned for herself. Anger and resentment were always there,
surfacing constantly to cause her to lose job after job while still fueling her
need to survive.
But with no dreams or hopes for a real future, that anger
eventually gave out and like a badly bruised, fatigue-weary prize-fighter, she slowly
let her gloves drop, expecting and accepting every punch that landed
thereafter.
It was on a cold, wet night with barely any money and no place
to live that Lan walked into a little bar to get out of the weather. She tried to make herself inconspicuous, but
being a pretty, albeit homeless girl, she was eventually hit on by one of the
drunken regulars.
A small, wiry waitress had quickly read the scene and walked
over to the young woman, expertly guiding the drunk back to his well-worn stool
at the bar. She spared a glance back at
the woman to tell her she’d be back to take her order, but seeing the shape she
wondered if the young girl was alright.
“Hey Honey, you okay?” The tiny waitress asked through sharp
snaps of her half piece of Dentyne. Her
eyebrows were knit in a keen scowl of concern as her jaw worked rapidly.
Lan looked up slowly, expecting to be asked to leave in the
waitress’ next words. She just wanted to
sit in a warm, dry place and try to remember what it was like to have a bit of
dignity.
“I’m fine, I was just leaving.” Lan hurried her words as her embarrassment
grew. She had nothing to her name and
didn’t belong here with the paying customers who just stopped in on their way
to their homes and families.
The waitress put a gentle hand on her shoulder as her eyes
softened and her jaw slowed. The older
woman had been around enough to know when someone was near the end of their
rope. Without lifting her hand from
Lan’s shoulder, Joyce slid into the seat adjacent her.
“You don’t look fine, Honey…”
The simple statement started Lan on a new path that
night. With some mighty sweet talking by
Joyce to the bar owners, she managed to get Lan a job as a bar back, washing
glasses and restocking liquor Thursday through Sunday and the occasional
Tuesday during Dollar Shot Night.
It wasn’t a lot but it turned into a steady job and eventually
paved the way to a manager’s job, allowing her to make enough money to actually
find some stability in her life. She
hadn’t had it since she was about 13.
Shaking her head of old memories, Lan came back to the
present. She knew that most of the young
people she’d watched walking around this college campus today would eventually
receive more education than she did and better paying jobs too. A pang of jealousy surfaced followed by a bit
of sorrow that she’d never be that age again with her whole future in front of
her.
But I sure could be doing a
lot worse. Lan mused.
All self-pity bled away as she watched an older woman sifting through a
trash can, slouched with what Lan figured was as much hard living and hard luck
as age. She was wearing an outdated
burgundy terrycloth jumpsuit and lime green sneakers, worn to the point of
being almost useless. She was pushing a
shopping cart chock full of cardboard, newspapers and aluminum cans. Lan continued to watch her as she speared can
after can with a sharp stick. She’d
knock it against the cart until her quarry fell into it with a hollow clink.
Lan shuddered at the thought of what could have been if she
hadn’t wandered into that bar that night and met Joyce.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lan flipped up her eye-patch to pour the shots of tequila into
the large blender. “You look mighty
un-piraty!” Bellowed Ross as he leaned
in from behind her getting his blond wig dangerously close to the blender
opening.
“It’s either lift the patch or make a mess!” She shouted as she quickly popped the lid on
the blender and flipped her eye-patch down.
It was Halloween night and the place was absolutely packed. Both of them had been a torrent of motion
since the bar opened four hours ago.
Pouring drinks, flirting, putting on a show for the patrons. The more fun the two had, the more drinks
seem to sell, so they worked the crowd expertly, breaking into lip-synching
performances of Halloween favorites like Monster Mash and the Flying Purple
People Eater song. They tossed and
poured drinks with a flourish, telling silly stories and winking at patrons as
if they were in on some clever inside jokes.
Joyce, dressed in a lime green velour bathrobe and mismatched
stockings shuffled up in neon orange slippers.
Her hair was in rollers and she had on the most ugly shade of blue eye
shadow that still existed. Not to
mention her lips that were haphazardly painted with what Ross described as
streetwalker-meets-Valentine’s-gift-gone-wrong red.
“What are you supposed to be again?” Asked Lan as she looked over the orders Joyce
gave her. It was way too busy for Joyce
to memorize orders tonight.
“I’m a trailer park managin’ mama.” She said around an unlit cigarette hanging
out of the side of her mouth. Lan howled
with laughter, the same reaction she had the first two times Joyce told
her. She just loved watching the
diminutive waitress deadpan her answer around that cigarette. It was too much.
While Joyce was waiting for the drinks, she would play with
the patrons at the bar, yelling at them for being late on their rent
checks. Some, who knew what Joyce was
supposed to be, laughed while a couple others just looked at Joyce like she
might have imbibed a bit on her way to and from the tables.
“Ahoy, Matey!” Lan
heard a man call from the bar as she put the first set of drinks on Joyce’s
tray. She turned her head to give an
automatic grin to the patron and tell them she’d be right with them when she
recognized the handsome man from a few weeks ago. He must have just gotten there as this was
the first she’d seen him tonight.
She quickly finished up Joyce’s orders and came back to the
man. “What will it be tonight?” She asked as she took a moment to wipe down a
section of the bar and clear a couple of glasses.
He grinned widely and leaned over the bar to be heard. “Two Jack and Cokes please.”
“No ale tonight, Pete?”
She quipped as she absently filled two glasses with ice and started
pouring. He must have a date tonight, she mused.
He jerked his head back slightly, surprised
she remembered him let alone what he ordered those weeks ago. “Nope, not tonight.” He said as he fished into his wallet to pay
for the drinks. He slid a twenty towards
her as she set the drinks down. She
snatched it up quickly to give him his change, but he gently grasped her wrist
and mouthed, “Keep it.”
“Thanks.”
She said with a sincere smile.
Their eyes held a little longer than what would be considered
prudent. He nodded almost imperceptibly
and turned away from the bar with the two drinks. That
was interesting, she thought as she again got swept away into the busy
night.
She made the automatic turn onto her
street, shaking her head in disgust at the pieces of pumpkin strewn into the
street. Punks out smashing little kid’s jack-o-lanterns, no doubt. She pulled into her driveway, cutting the
lights like always before making the swing into it and shut off the
engine. She pushed the Land Cruiser door
open with some effort, wincing at the load groan it made. Slipping out of the seat she made her way to
her front door. Her brows drew up in
curiosity as she saw a little orange bag on her doorstep. She warily approached it, not having any idea
if it was a trick or a treat. She smiled
as she saw a little card with her name written on it carefully propped up
against the bag. She recognized John’s
writing. It read:
Dear
Lan,
Here is some candy we saved for
you. Mom says we couldn’t eat it all
anyway. We hope you had a good Halloween
at your work and no body got too drunk or got in a fight.
Love,
John
and Katy
Lan laughed at the last sentence. But then it instantly made her sad. The young boy knew what a bar was and what
went on in there because he witnessed his stepfather come home drunk many times
from a bar. Well, not anymore, Lan thought with relief. Their stepfather would be in jail for a while
for what he did to Tina.
Shrugging off the unpleasant thoughts, Lan
bent to pick up the bag of candy. The
simple gesture by the kids warmed her heart more than she cared to admit.
As Lan got Bait and Hook ready for their walk the
next morning, the doorbell rang. She yelled
at the kids to come in. The dogs went
wild at the unexpected company and Lan wordlessly handed over the leashes to
the grinning siblings. The three of them
stumbled out of the front door careful to avoid stepping on one of the jumping
dogs.
“Thanks for the candy, guys.” Lan said as they finally cleared the front
steps. She affectionately ruffled John’s
hair and winked at Katy who smiled shyly in return.
“Hey Lan.
Katy’s got a boyfriend.” John
suddenly announced as they made their way down the tree-lined sidewalk.
“I do not!”
Protested Katy as she speared her brother with an adolescent death
glare. “He is just a good friend. He needed help in English…” She stated defensively, chin comically
jutting out. Lan couldn’t help but
smile.
John opened his mouth to add something, but Lan
caught his eye and gave a slight shake of her head. Her face split into another large grin when
he mouthed the words, “Well, she does.”
Lan decided to change the subject. “How is your mom doing?” she asked.
“Good.”
They both answered in unison.
Katy picked up the subject gladly.
“She got a promotion at her job.
She said soon we’ll be able to move to a bigger place.”
“Maybe even a house!” John exclaimed. He looked up at Lan with a huge smile. As soon as it appeared it faded. “We won’t live next to you anymore though…”
He said, realization hitting him.
Katy looked at her brother with a sad, sympathetic
smile. “Hey, we won’t be moving for a
while yet. Maybe we’ll find a place
close by anyway.” She reasoned.
He looked skeptically at her. “You think we could?”
“I don’t see why not.” Katy said, looking up at Lan to confirm or at
least help ease her brother’s mind.
“Sure. It
takes a while to buy a house. And there
are a plenty around here.” She said
casually. The thought of them moving did
grip at Lan’s heart a bit unexpectedly.
But she did hope what Tina had told them was true. These kids deserved a new beginning.
The rest of the walk was filled with chatter about
school and friends and what they were looking forward to doing during the
quickly approaching Thanksgiving break.
Back on their street, Lan walked the kids up to
their door intending on saying a quick hello to Tina. To Lan’s surprised she was asked to stop by
for Thanksgiving Dinner and even more to her surprise, she accepted.
Lan generally kept to herself on holidays as they
held no special meaning for her and she often felt like an intruder when
invited over by friends to celebrate with their families. But today, in the crisp air of a November
midmorning, she felt that there was no place else she’d rather be on
Thanksgiving.
“So, you think that good for nothing husband is
gone for good?” Asked Joyce as she
settled one butt cheek on a barstool.
She kept her attention out towards the tables, but it was a slow night
so she could afford to sit and chat with Lan every few minutes as was the
custom when their were only a few of the locals at the bar during the early
evening.
The women would go do what they needed to do and
then join back up, picking up the conversation wherever it was left off. Presently, they were talking about Lan’s
neighbors.
“God, I hope so, Joyce. He’s been gone nearly 3 months and Tina is
really getting her shit together; the kids don’t look like they have the weight
of the world on their shoulders anymore too…”
Lan stopped mid-sentence when she caught Joyce’s coy smile. “What?”
She asked in mild annoyance.
“You. You
really like them don’t you?” Joyce said
around a knowing grin.
Lan looked at her friend, a little puzzled. “What do you mean?”
“Lan in the years I’ve known you, you’ve never
talked about another living soul except in passing or to make an
observation. You’ve never mentioned
family or friends outside of the bar…”
Joyce trailed off, figuring that explained what was so significant about
this current conversation.
Lan still failed to make the connection. Then she thought about it. Joyce was right. Those two kids and their mother were
beginning, no had become very important to her.
She hadn’t realized it until just this moment. It had been such long time since she’d felt
even remotely close to anyone.
So gradual were the feelings, she’d failed to see
them for what they were. She loved those
kids. She cared deeply for their mother
too, who’d shown the type of courage her mother never did.
Joyce continued to watch Lan but said nothing
else. Not wanting to discuss her
newfound connection with her neighbors right now, Lan pulled away. Joyce read the look in her face for what it
was as she’d seen it before in the young woman.
She decided to change the subject.
“How is your photography class going?” She asked instead.
Lan smiled in unconscious gratitude. “Great.
I’m learning about composition right now. It is quite fascinating. The teacher is great too. She’s brought in quite a few of her photos
and soon we will be learning how to develop our own pictures.”
Lan had even bought a used Nikon and had been
playing around, taking pictures of the kids and dogs. John, who was usually so quite and reserved,
turned into the biggest ham when Lan began photographing them. It was great fun and she couldn’t wait to
develop them and see how they turned out.
Joyce just nodded, a large smile on her face. In the few years she’d known Lan, she’d never
seen her quite so animated or talkative.
She was glad for her though and said as much before slipping off of her
stool to help some patrons that had just walked in.
Lan watched her friend for a few seconds before
hearing the deep booming voice of Chris, the co-owner of the bar. She returned his greeting and smiled when she
saw him dressed in his overlarge coveralls and paint stained t-shirt.
“How’s the piece going?” Asked Lan.
“Aw, it is coming along. Acrylics are so different from oils, you
know?”
Lan nodded absently, having no idea how different
acrylics were from oils. He seemed to
read her thoughts and laughed heartily.
“You should come up to the loft and I’ll give you
a lesson,” he said as he made his way
behind the bar. “I heard you were
enjoying your photography class.” He
stated as he bent down, looking for something just under the counter.
“Oh, yes, it is a lot of fun. It’s good to have a hobby besides playing
with my mutts. Not that that isn’t fulfilling,
mind you…” She trailed off as her focus
shifted to what he was doing.
He seemed not to notice that she was watching him
with interest as he straightened and began looking on the shelf above the cash
register, eyes squinted. He replied
somewhat distractedly, “Yeah, hobbies are great. Keeps the mind sharp and the soul
satisfied…”
“I don’t know about the mind sharp part…” Bart announced as he slipped in behind Chris
at the register and plucked the bifocal glasses off the top of his partner’s
head.
“Oh, hell…”
Chris bellowed as he snatched the glasses out of Bart’s hand, slapped
them on his face and started back up the stairs.
Lan and Bart burst into laughter causing the
retreating man to launch his middle finger skyward.
“You can just forget painting lessons, Lan!” Chris threw over his shoulder.
“He’s such a baby.” Bart said as he wiped his moist eyes. Lan just smiled.
Lan was really looking forward to her photography
class. It was their last class meeting
for a week because of Thanksgiving Break and the instructor had promised to
introduce the process of developing one’s own photographs.
As Lan had hoped, the instructor had time to talk
about creating a dark room and developing one’s own film. She now had the information on how to set up
her own dark room and had begun gaining a working knowledge of how to develop
her own pictures. On the way home her
mind began to fill with places she’d visited throughout the city over the years
and how she’d like to shoot them some day.
Maybe she’d even begin traveling. She could only remember leaving Fresno once
or twice to visit her mother’s distant relatives in a neighboring city when she
was young. After leaving home, traveling
beyond what she knew was daunting and scary.
It also took money, which was something she didn’t have.
Now that she was doing okay for herself, she could
afford to take some time, take a vacation.
Perhaps she’d look at taking a few days off and heading east across the
mountains to Nevada or Arizona. She’d always
had a desire to visit the desert. From
pictures she marveled at the way the sand, sky, rocks and sun obliged each
other to create unparalleled beauty. She
wondered if the colors were that rich, vibrant and warm in real life.
That night at work passed by pretty
uneventfully. She fell in and out of
easy banter with the regulars as they came and went during the evening. She let the automatic tasks of the job carry
her through her shift and soon she found herself locking up and heading to her
car.
About halfway home she realized she had no milk
for her morning cereal and was running pretty low on dog food. She decided to pull into the all night
grocery store despite the late hour. The
store appeared empty and she could hear the persistent buzz of the overhead
lights and the low hum of the freezers.
She only saw one other person in the store and from the looks of the
cart; it had been a long time since the person shopped. She unconsciously hurried her steps trying to
get the rest of what she needed and get to the lone checker before the
basket-full did.
Halfway through the pet food aisle, she heard the
echo of a badly balanced shopping cart near the front of the store. Already heading for checkout. Running would look really stupid, so Lan gave
into fate and sauntered slowly to check out.
She picked up a few more incidentals, realizing she’d have a few
minutes.
Finally, she made her way over with her little hand held
basket, setting it on the floor as she flipped through a few of the tabloid magazines. People’s obsession with the rich and famous
was lost on Lan. She put the last
magazine down after a cursory flip through and turned her attention to the
grocery clerk.
She watched her impassive, pockmarked,
sun-leathered face as she scanned item after item. When an item wouldn’t scan properly was the
only time her face came out of its emotionless mask. Her brow knitted and her mouth tensed as she
keyed in the number of the uncooperative item.
Lan had the absurd vision of this woman as a young girl, same expression
on her face, scanning make-believe groceries.
She idly wondered what this woman’s dreams were or once were. Had life taken her completely off her desired
course, despite her best efforts? Or had
the woman just complacently fallen into her circumstances that led her to a job
scanning groceries at 2:30 a.m.?
Lan realized she was judging this woman who she
knew nothing about. She felt a bit
ashamed and wondered if patrons at the bar looked at her with the same eye she
was looking at this woman with. Do they
feel pity for the woman behind the bar?
Do they wonder what happened to her in life to lead her to pour drinks
for strangers in the wee hours of the morning?
Lan reasoned that it wasn’t the same thing. She was the bar manager, there by choice and
besides, she enjoyed her job. It was
definitely different.
Lan sat her small basket on the edge of the
counter as the woman mechanically took out each item and scanned it. The only words exchanged between the two were
whether Lan preferred paper or plastic.
Lan left the store with her two bags and an unsettling melancholy she
hadn’t felt in a long, long time.
Chapter 3
“Mom said we won’t be moving until after
Christmas.” Katy said pointedly as Lan
joined her on the front porch steps. They were enjoying the lazy moments after
a large Thanksgiving dinner watching some of the neighbor kids playing football
in the street.
“Oh yeah?”
Asked Lan with interest. “You
guys have a place in mind yet?” Katy
moved her foot from side to side on the step, displacing the tiny particles of
dirt and sand with a rhythmic scraping sound.
“I know Mom has looked at a few places. She wants to save a few more dollars, she
said.” Katy let the sentence hang in the
air. Lan waited patiently as she sensed
the girl had more on her mind.
“Lan, when we move, will we still get to see each
other?” She asked quietly.
Lan was touched by the question. She had no real reason not to answer in the
affirmative, but in all honesty she just figured once they moved, that would be
the last she saw of them. She turned her
eyes to Katy, ready with a casual response when she saw the careful hope in her
eyes. Lan then realized that it must
have taken some courage for this 13-year-old girl to ask the question.
Lan knew Katy, and unlike her younger brother, she
had long lost a child’s innocent trust in adults. How she answered Katy would be very
important. She also recognized in that moment
how much she would miss seeing them on a daily basis.
“When you guys get all settled in, I want you to
call me and we’ll set up a time with your mom and I’ll come visit.”
Katy’s smile crept slowly and steadily until it
reached her eyes, “Okay.” Lan surprised
herself by putting an arm around the young girl and giving her a playful
squeeze.
John took that moment to bang through the screen
door to announce dessert would be served in a few minutes. With exaggerated full belly groans, they both
lumbered off the porch step and headed back in to stuff themselves even more.
Lan had ended up staying later than she
anticipated, being roped into two rounds of the board game Clue. She hadn’t laughed that much in a long
time. She recalled the vastly different
styles in which each of the siblings played.
Katy, the Methodical One, had all sorts of notes on her little
scorecard. Her face gave away nothing as
she scribbled down something after every guess was made. She studied the board with intense scrutiny.
John on the other hand didn’t fully get the
concept of the game, but that didn’t stop him from blurting out his guesses
each time it was his turn. Tina and Lan
would just go along, taking turns explaining patiently to John how it could not
have been Mrs. Peacock in the Observatory with a Candlestick because he in fact
had two out of the three cards he mentioned.
Katy would look on, eyes rolling at having to play with such an amateur
sleuth.
“Don’t worry, we’ll visit them.” Lan said as much to herself as to her two
dogs as she leashed them up to take them out for their last bathroom run. She watched the bedroom light extinguish in
the kids’ room as she quietly walked by, smiling at the young memory of the
best Thanksgiving she’d ever had. She
tucked her unoccupied hand into her sweatshirt pocket and turned her head up
the street.
Lan walked into her last session of her
photography class early. The photos
she’d brought to share were tucked under her arm in a folder. She was a little nervous to show her work,
but figured since all of her fellow students were in the same boat, it
shouldn’t be so hard. Her subjects
consisted mostly of her dogs, her co-workers at the bar and a few of Katy and
John, taken with Tina’s permission.
As more people began filing in, she set to the
task of choosing three photos to share.
Pouring over them, she decided on a candid one of Bart and Joyce,
listening with rapt attention to a very animated Chris. She remembered snapping the photo just as he
was telling about getting caught in a drag bar by a senior officer during his
time in the Marines. She studied the
focus of the photo, the expression on Bart’s normally stoic face told of the
love he and Chris shared while Joyce’s weathered eyes hinted of amusement with
a bit of disbelief. She was quite proud
too of the composition of the shot and how it captured the moment
perfectly.
The second photo she chose was a black and white
photo of Bait and Hook both sitting at the front door at attention, side by
side with their backs to the camera.
She’d taken the photo just as she’d heard the kids coming up the
stairs. Each time the dogs would hear
the kids they’d run to the door and wait patiently for them to knock. In the photo the dogs were full of tightly coiled
energy. The shutter speed was a bit
slow, but it worked out for the best because the dogs’ tiny tails were a blur,
showing how furiously they were wagging in anticipation.
The third photo was of Katy and John. It was her favorite. She’d just been heading to the bar when she
saw the kids hanging out on the front step.
She’d asked what they were up to and John helpfully informed her that
Katy had burned some microwave popcorn and their mom was airing out the
house. Just as Katy was about to respond
to her brother’s comment, John noticed the camera.
“Will you take my picture?” He’d asked brightly. What resulted was a quirky snapshot of the
two of them, John sitting on the porch, elbows resting on knees, his cherubic
face in his hands with the widest grin the boy could have produced. Katy, on the other hand was standing arms
folded leaning on the porch post, looking anything but happy. The irritated half-scowl was a perfect
contrast to her brother’s expression, making the photo truly worth a thousand
words.
“All right class,” said Judith, the portly,
enthusiastic instructor announced to get everyone’s attention. “Let’s get your photos up and have a
look.” Lan handed hers in and stepped
out to the restroom while the instructor hung the photos on two parallel
clotheslines draped in front of the whiteboard that was currently covered with
black felt.
When she returned Judith was hanging the last
picture. Lan took her seat and looked at
the photos of her classmates. She
smiled, noting how she thought hers were pretty good, comparatively
speaking.
At the end of the class, it seemed not only the
instructor, but the whole class agreed with Lan’s somewhat partial
assessment. Humbled and inspired, she
took away a renewed belief in herself, some tips on pursuing her new hobby and
an endorsement by Judith to enter the Central Valley Winter Photo Competition,
held at one of the local galleries.
Lan watched with amusement as Katy and John
decorated their Christmas tree. She’d
offered her help in the kitchen but was gently rebuffed by a very capable
Tina. She poured her a cup of eggnog,
gave her sweet smile and pointed her to the couch to referee the tree
trimming.
It was Christmas Eve and the Williams had invited
her over for dinner. Lan was deeply
touched by the invite as this was probably their first happy one in many years. It was the first Christmas Eve Lan hadn’t
been alone in many years too.
“I can’t believe this will be our last Christmas
here.” Stated Katy as she methodically distributed small glass ornaments on the
modest sized Christmas tree. She scowled
at her brother for the third time after he placed two of the same color next to
each other. He took the hint and with a
shrug gave up “helping”.
“Can I bring Bait and Hook over?” John begged, apparently unfazed by the
rebuke. He looked pleadingly at Lan who
motioned over to his mom, who had taken up a spot in the kitchen doorway to
watch.
“It’s up to your mom.” Lan replied dutifully. John’s eyes flashed to his mom’s, all big and
brown. She wiped her hands on her apron,
giving the appearance of weighing the question importantly. John began squirming and holding his hands
prayer-like towards his mom. She gave up
the act, laughing at her son’s display.
She couldn’t refuse such a plea.
“Sure, just make sure they don’t get into the
Christmas decorations.” In a stage
whisper she said, “Your sister might have a heart attack if they did.”
“I heard that, Mom!” Katy threw over her shoulder as she bent to
pick up another ornament.
Tina leaned into Lan a bit and upon hearing the
screen door slap against the doorframe, said in a light voice, “We all start
out helping, you know… but Little Miss Perfect here… “ She let her voice trail off as her only
daughter spun around with a syrupy sweet smile.
“You must understand, Lan, they have no eye for
composition or balance.” She paused dramatically. “If we want a good-looking tree that will
look decent for ‘The Christmas Portrait’ (this said with air quotes), I must do
it myself.” Then she turned back to her
tree with a dismissing wave.
Both women looked on stunned until Lan burst into
laughter. Tina soon followed. “Oh, I can’t wait to see her at 16.” Lan deadpanned, spurring on more giggles and
an eye-roll from the 13 year old.
As was the ritual after dinner, Katy and John
played with Bait and Hook as the two women talked. John was chasing the dogs around taking
pictures with his new camera as Katy tried to sketch them with her pencil and
pad from her new art set.
“You were very sweet and generous Lan. Thanks for the gifts. They are, well, perfect.” Tina smiled thoughtfully, looking at hers on
the coffee table, a lovely wooden plaque with ‘The Sheldon Family’ engraved –
her maiden name. She’d gone back to it
soon after Chuck was taken away.
“Well, it was either that or the singing
trout…” Lan laughed self-deprecatingly.
Tina chuckled along with Lan, sensing her need to
ease the attention on her. She looked at
the plaque for a few more seconds and sobered.
She checked to see that the kids were out of earshot.
“Listen, Lan.
You have been truly wonderful to my kids and I. You know, when I had decided to start looking
for a house, the only reservation I had about moving was moving away from you.
I know how much you mean to them…” Tina
looked at her children for a few long seconds. “I just hope I’m doing the right
thing.”
“They mean a lot to me too, Tina and it’s not like
you are moving that far away. You guys
will be so happy in a new home. It’s a
fresh start, a new place to make some great memories.” In an out of character move, Lan placed her
hand over Tina’s and looked intently into her eyes. “You made it Tina. You cleaned up your life, don’t think those
two haven’t noticed.” Lan said
fervently, gesturing to the kids with a nod of her head. “In the time I’ve known them, I’ve never seen
them more happy.”
“Yeah, you’re right. I don’t think I’ll ever get over the guilt
though. Christ, what I’ve put them
through.” Tina said, sad disbelief in her
voice.
Lan patted the hand under hers and then put her
own into her lap. “Don’t let the guilt
overwhelm you, but don’t forget it either. Use it.”
Tina began to comment but caught herself as she
remembered what Lan told her of her past.
She was coming from the point of view of her children. She would take Lan’s advice to heart.
After a few moments of silence, Lan looked
sidelong at the woman and could tell she had something else on her mind. Something else weighing on her. They never spoke about her soon-to-be
ex-husband in front of the kids, but Lan thought they were still a safe enough
distance away, so she broached the subject.
“How are things coming along?” Lan asked.
It had become kind of code between the two, Tina never misunderstanding
what Lan was referring to.
“He won’t sign the divorce papers, of course. Can’t wait to see the legal bills with that
one.” She said around a bitter
laugh.
Lan ventured onto another touchy subject. They
both knew he wouldn’t be in jail forever. “Can you keep your new address out of
the system?” Lan hated to ask, but she
was concerned for their safety.
Tina shuddered at the thought. “I enrolled in this confidential address
program… it’s for victims of abuse.”
Tina shook her head slowly with incredulity. “You know, I had no idea something like that
existed. Then, again, I had no idea my
life would take a detour into Shitsville.”
She said with uncharacteristic bluntness that made Lan chuckle despite
the context of the conversation.
Lan was nervous.
She had never done anything like this and she was beginning to regret
taking the advice of her photography instructor. How could she think that any of her photos
could go up against some of the locally known photographers that were in the
contest? They made a living out of taking
pictures. She noticed one of the photos
in the competition was from one of the newspaper photographers. She was contemplating taking her photo off
the stark white wall and running when she heard a familiar voice.
“Hey, Lan!
You must be so excited!” Chris
enthused, his round face beaming. He
brushed past her gently to study her entry closely. He stood silently, scrutinizing it with an
artist’s eye. She shifted foot to foot,
surprised to note how much she cared what his opinion would be. Suddenly, she realized how dumb it was not to
get his input on which one to enter. She’d
just gone with her favorite, the one of John and Katy on the front porch.
Chris knew Lan had talent. He’d seen some of her photos she’d brought in
from her class. He’d made comments on
them almost absently, figuring she was getting instruction and guidance from
the teacher. He turned to her and caught
her expectant look. She glanced away
furtively. He smiled knowingly at her. Lan had talent all right, she just didn’t
really believe it- perhaps until now.
Lan took compliments as reluctantly as someone
does a parking ticket, but Chris could see a hope in her eyes that he had never
seen before. He measured his words for
he sensed they would be very important to his bar manager.
“Lan, this is a great photo. You know why?”
Lan shook her head, clueless, but keenly
interested.
“I believe it was Ansel Adams who said, ‘A
photograph is usually looked at – seldom looked into.’” Chris saw he needed to
explain. “Your photo causes the viewer
to want to know more about it. What was
going on to cause the expressions on their faces? Who are they to each other? What’s their relationship to the
photographer?” He said the last question
with a knowing smile as Lan moved to stand next to him. “That picture doesn’t tell a story, it
invites you to seek it out.”
She studied the photo, cocking her head slightly
as if trying to view it in a new, different way.
“You captured something very special and human in
that picture, Lan. That is a very hard
thing to do.” He said seriously.
“Hmmph.”
Lan grunted in a manner that led Chris to believe she somewhat agreed
with him. He smiled again to himself,
only bigger this time. He did enjoy Lan
immensely. Her self-effacing nature was
hardwired, he knew, and anytime he could break into it and get her to see what
most of her friends saw in her, he delighted in it.
The evening turned out to be quite fun, if not a
bit overwhelming. Seems everyone down at
the bar had gotten wind of the contest and had come out to support her. Joyce and Ross had appointed themselves photo
judges and deemed Lan’s the winner by a landslide. Even Bart showed up, letting
Lan know that he was very proud of her.
By the end of the night, Lan had won first place
in her category and 3rd place in the overall contest. She couldn’t recall ever having won anything
in her life except for a second place ribbon in 4th grade when her
relay team won at a school track meet.
On her way home, she found herself grinning
stupidly. She couldn’t wait to share the
news with Tina and the kids when they returned from their trip up the
coast. Even though it was in the middle
of January, Tina had decided they could use a little vacation. It would be their last opportunity at a
vacation “before becoming slave to a mortgage,” Tina had said only half-jokingly.
Lan’s thoughts turned to their impending
move. The kids were so thrilled about
their new house. Tina had put an offer
in on a single story three-bedroom house on the other side of town. It was newer with a large yard and a quiet
neighborhood. Lan had gone to see it
with them as soon as Tina’s offer was accepted.
Both John and Katy talked excitedly the whole way there about plans for
their rooms and the backyard. It would
indeed be a new start for them and Lan couldn’t be happier.
“Man, I’m going to miss them.” She said aloud as she rounded the corner onto
her street.